My husband is a frequent business traveler and being the sweet, loving man that he is, he always asks before he goes:
"Will you be okay?"
It is the sweetest thing. I always say, "Yes," because really, I am quite capable of keeping myself and three children out of jail and avoiding such situations as burning the house down, getting lost in the woods and starving.
He never asks:
"Is there enough toilet paper?"
"What will you eat?"
"Do the children have underwear?"
"Who will watch the children?"
"Is there enough wine?"
"Are there any diapers?"
"Does everyone have rides home from school?"
"Did you cancel all activities?"
"Is there heating oil?"
"Is the cable bill paid?"
"Did you hide the matches?"
"Is homework completed?"
"Is there dog food?"
"Do you have milk?"
"Do you have car keys?"
I suppose his simple question reflects a high level of trust in my ability to maintain minimal order and safety.
And while I trust my husband completely, I don't really trust my children or the universe to keep spinning in my absence. There is just so much to worry about.
Like the babysitter lighting a candle and the baby putting a magazine in the candle, catching it on fire and the girls attempting to put the fire out with glitter hairspray.
It could happen.
On the rare occasions I escape--whether for ten minutes or ten hours--I never ask "will you be okay?"--because really, I am certain no one will be okay and everyone will run around without underwear eating leftover Easter candy while drinking water and using baby wipes as toilet paper resulting in a major plumbing emergency that no one will be able to handle because the home phone is missing and we forgot to pay Comcast, so they can't even call a plumber anyway, let alone send me a text message because all cell phone chargers are missing and in the end the children will be taken away, require major dental work, grow up believing that underwear is optional, be adults who chronically misplace their car keys and later be in therapy discussing the one time their mother left them and they WERE ABSOLUTELY NOT OKAY.
This afternoon I am heading out to Blogger Bash 2014 (WHOOP!!) and hanging out with some of my favorite bloggers and rubbing elbows with amazing brands all the while chronically worrying if my children are doing the shimmy shake or using socks to wipe after they pee. However, I can't wait to escape and really, they will be okay, right?
#BBNYC or BUST!