Thursday, July 17, 2014

Is there enough toilet paper? Heading out to Blogger Bash #BBNYC

Blogger Bash
My husband is a frequent business traveler and being the sweet, loving man that he is, he always asks before he goes:

"Will you be okay?"

It is the sweetest thing. I always say, "Yes," because really, I am quite capable of keeping myself and three children out of jail and avoiding such situations as burning the house down, getting lost in the woods and starving.

He never asks:

"Is there enough toilet paper?"
"What will you eat?"
"Do the children have underwear?"
"Who will watch the children?"
"Is there enough wine?"
"Are there any diapers?"
"Does everyone have rides home from school?"
"Did you cancel all activities?"
"Is there heating oil?"
"Is the cable bill paid?"
"Did you hide the matches?"
"Is homework completed?"
"Is there dog food?"
"Do you have milk?"
"Do you have car keys?"

I suppose his simple question reflects a high level of trust in my ability to maintain minimal order and safety.

And while I trust my husband completely, I don't really trust my children or the universe to keep spinning in my absence. There is just so much to worry about.

Like the babysitter lighting a candle and the baby putting a magazine in the candle, catching it on fire and the girls attempting to put the fire out with glitter hairspray.

It could happen.


On the rare occasions I escape--whether for ten minutes or ten hours--I never ask "will you be okay?"--because really, I am certain no one will be okay and everyone will run around without underwear eating leftover Easter candy while drinking water and using baby wipes as toilet paper resulting in a major plumbing emergency that no one will be able to handle because the home phone is missing and we forgot to pay Comcast, so they can't even call a plumber anyway, let alone send me a text message because all cell phone chargers are missing and in the end the children will be taken away, require major dental work, grow up believing that underwear is optional, be adults who chronically misplace their car keys and later be in therapy discussing the one time their mother left them and they WERE ABSOLUTELY NOT OKAY.

This afternoon I am heading out to Blogger Bash 2014 (WHOOP!!) and hanging out with some of my favorite bloggers and rubbing elbows with amazing brands all the while chronically worrying if my children are doing the shimmy shake or using socks to wipe after they pee. However, I can't wait to escape and really, they will be okay, right?

#BBNYC or BUST!


12 comments:

  1. Way too funny! Last time my husband went out of town he asked "Where will you all be going?" as if I had a circus of activities planned. Mind you - he has never once taken out all 3 kids at once alone :)

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  2. You did not have a solo trip to disney world planned? hahahahaha. We are typically going on fun adventures like "visiting the pediatrician" or "juggling screaming baby in library while older child is tutored" or my favorite: "five hours of dance class with tiny waiting room and screaming, writhing, constantly starving baby." hahahaahah

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  3. So….did you buy dog food and toilet paper?

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    1. YES!!! I inventoried everything. Will be gone for approximately 10 hours. Which means they need at least 12 rolls.

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  4. So Did you buy dog food and toilet paper?

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  5. SO funny! I can totally relate! That scenario the magazine fire glitter hair spray scenario...it totally doesn't seem that off. It could absolutely happen! :)

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  6. Haha yeah. My husband always asks me "wait... How long will you be gone? You're going to leave me with two kids?" We had a vacation nanny assigned at this hotel we went to- he didn't think we should leave both kids with her because it was "too much." Apparently I'm the only human being in the world capable of caring for two little people at once. Lol.

    Have a great trip :)

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    1. hahaha. well, it's a compliment right? maybe. . .

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  7. This is absolutely hilarious!!

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  8. Too too funny and so true! Worst fears were realized I guess....

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