It is juggling season in this household-I've got article deadlines flying through the air and homework and developmental milestones and preschool playdates and doctors appointments and laundry and volunteer work and lunch appointments and a marriage going up and down so fast that I cannot even blink or I might miss one ball.
And if I drop that ball; if I mis-juggle for even a second someone will have my head--someone will be disappointed. And even if my audience gets over it, I certainly will not. I've practiced this trick so many times that there are no excuses for failure.
I just can't blink.
In this age of internet access and Skype and Facebook and Twitter, it is easy to be available and at work even when the outside world stops because of some natural disaster. I can be at work anywhere on the planet, provided my laptop battery does not die and even if it does, there is always my iPhone or my iPad or my daughter's iPad not far away.
The weather does not matter much when there is wireless internet.
But, I am writing to proclaim that no matter the season outside, it is the season inside--the season inside my heart and mind--that matters.
I wrote last week that this season of mine is really busy and while, I simply cannot ditch all my responsibilities to the outside world in honor of focusing solely on the responsibilities at home--this week I realized that what my father told me so long ago was right.
You cannot have it all.
I know that all you enlightened feminists will hate me for saying it; but you cannot have it all. You cannot have it all at once and you cannot have it all in a lifetime. You can have a lot; you can have tons; you can have oodles; you can have more than your fair share.
But, all of it?
It is impossible. And while I celebrate and cheer the ease at which technology has allowed me to keep my writing alive and still be home with my children, I also curse it. It has given me and the world this unrealistic expectation of my capabilities. Yes, I can do a lot. Yes, I can write and be room mom and do all the school pick ups. Yes, I can.
But cannot do it all at once. And some days, I cannot do anything.
And that's it. This season of my life is about juggling; and more over, it is about dropping balls. And praying everyone forgives me.
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enlightened feminist here to give you a hug. You are doing great. xoReplyDelete
I hear ya! My brain is going non stop and I feel like I have everything to do and I have to do it right now.ReplyDelete
I wish life wasn't like that. That feeling of complete terror that if one thing drops everything will come crashing down. I hope you can endure your juggling season : ). This too shall pass.ReplyDelete
Such a beautifully written post. And I agree. Lately I have been trying to do a better job of determining which balls are made of glass and cannot drop so I can forgive myself if I inadvertently let the other ones go.ReplyDelete
I'd love for you to add this post to our Thoughtful Thursday linky this week. It's perfect!
Oh thank you Jessica. I will add it. If I remember. Might forget. etc. ( :Delete
You know you just have to forgive yourself when it all doesn't get done. I realize that sometimes I just need to relax and not beat myself up when I don't do my personal "in-box" like I should.ReplyDelete
I am one of those people who likes to juggle a ton of things, even thought I'm not so good at it :( I appreciate your thoughts on letting ourselves let some fall at times. I need to constantly reassess what is most important in my life.ReplyDelete
Sometimes dropping those balls is the best way to be reminded about what our core focus should be, and what we are really good at. I know I sometimes juggle things I have no business picking up in the first place!ReplyDelete
I constantly juggle things that I should not be juggling. I hoard balls. Apparently.Delete
I'm so hard on myself when I can't fit everything into one day. But I try to pick what's more important for today and what can waitReplyDelete
I'm right there with you!ReplyDelete
It's funny (in a not so funny way), that this is all too relatable. Just know you're not alone and that to us, your readers, YOUR wellbeing is important. ((hugs))ReplyDelete
As you read, I'm also in this busy, juggling season. We'll get it together soon enough; right now, I'm trying to embrace it though obviously that's quite a challenge!ReplyDelete