It is juggling season in this household-I've got article deadlines flying through the air and homework and developmental milestones and preschool playdates and doctors appointments and laundry and volunteer work and lunch appointments and a marriage going up and down so fast that I cannot even blink or I might miss one ball.
And if I drop that ball; if I mis-juggle for even a second someone will have my head--someone will be disappointed. And even if my audience gets over it, I certainly will not. I've practiced this trick so many times that there are no excuses for failure.
I just can't blink.
In this age of internet access and Skype and Facebook and Twitter, it is easy to be available and at work even when the outside world stops because of some natural disaster. I can be at work anywhere on the planet, provided my laptop battery does not die and even if it does, there is always my iPhone or my iPad or my daughter's iPad not far away.
The weather does not matter much when there is wireless internet.
But, I am writing to proclaim that no matter the season outside, it is the season inside--the season inside my heart and mind--that matters.
I wrote last week that this season of mine is really busy and while, I simply cannot ditch all my responsibilities to the outside world in honor of focusing solely on the responsibilities at home--this week I realized that what my father told me so long ago was right.
You cannot have it all.
I know that all you enlightened feminists will hate me for saying it; but you cannot have it all. You cannot have it all at once and you cannot have it all in a lifetime. You can have a lot; you can have tons; you can have oodles; you can have more than your fair share.
But, all of it?
It is impossible. And while I celebrate and cheer the ease at which technology has allowed me to keep my writing alive and still be home with my children, I also curse it. It has given me and the world this unrealistic expectation of my capabilities. Yes, I can do a lot. Yes, I can write and be room mom and do all the school pick ups. Yes, I can.
But cannot do it all at once. And some days, I cannot do anything.
And that's it. This season of my life is about juggling; and more over, it is about dropping balls. And praying everyone forgives me.
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