Because of the Pain. (Day 46, Year 3)

Well, this afternoon DID NOT go as planned. 

This is becoming an unfortunate theme. 

First, church choir was cancelled. Normally I love cancelled activities--they are gifts! But, I love church choir Wednesdays. I get one hour of writing, peace time at my favorite coffee shop. Anyway, I adapted and instead came home for two hours of child drama. 

Then, Nicholas did not want to empty the dishwasher. And then he was slamming bowls around and behaving like a maniac. And then a bowl broke. And then Nicholas cut his foot on the bowl.

An hour later I was pushing him around the ER in a wheelchair. 

It's utterly ridiculous. (Also ridiculous that there isn't an ER waiting room for the "coughers" and "hackers."). 

He's fine--5 stitches on the nasty gash on his foot. We both only gagged a few times. He was so brave, my sweet boy. He demanded that Child Life simply talk to him and he gave a TED Talk on the Lenape Indians and the European viruses and the parallels between masking/social distancing protocols during COVID which have led to an uptick in viruses now due to lack of exposure. He also got a popsicle. 

But, more important, he was honest about his injury and the circumstances that led to it all. In his words: "Angry. Dishwasher. Slamming. Bowl. Broken." I mean really it was just an accident. I hate that he needed stitches. I worry about him so much! And now I worry about him being able to live independently someday! What if he is angry about laundry and like falls in the washing machine?! 

I know, I am nuts, but I endlessly worry. 

One thing I don't worry about is the resilience of Nicholas. He's gotten stitches before (accidental steak knife to the wrist one December five years ago while telling a wild story with arm gestures which sadly landed on the blade of the steak knife.). He told the Child Life Specialist that this didn't seem so bad because his body remembered what it was like to get stitches.

Before things did not go as expected, I was listening to a podcast about strength today while I walked around the lake. The podcaster compared emotional strength to physical strength making the analogy that when our muscles hurt after working out; we know that the next day we will be stronger. The emotional pain we experience is exactly like this. We are all strong because of the pain, not in spite of the pain. 

This is an importance nuance. I think a lot of us (me included!) will say things like "oh but she is strong despite this." That is not the truth. It is the pain we are forced to endure that makes us stronger. And we should be proud of that. 

For tonight, I am proud of my son for being accountable to himself. I am proud of him for being strong enough to know that if he could just talk through his stitches he would be fine. I am proud of him for tapping into that stored up strength he has from prior pain.  

And now he's a little bit stronger and more resilient for it.