Today, I built a Robot Flying Shark Balloon.
I feel like I climbed a mountain, y'all! It is not that it was fulfilling or any sort of accomplishment. It was just time consuming and tiring.
Are you wondering why in the world I build a Robot Shark Balloon?
(I mean I am just wondering myself). Here's the story:
Nicholas, my 8 year old, has been begging for an Air Swimmer since January 1. It was like he forgot about Christmas entirely and was ready to start gifting season again! He claimed to have some Christmas money (I never saw it) and he is really persistent! So, with his imaginary Christmas money (which is also known as my money), we ordered an Air Swimmer Remote Control Flying Shark!*
For $39.99, we got an entire experience and a new floating resident! I thought I'd share my experience and product review with all my hoards of readers. I figured you could bookmark this when you are shopping with imaginary Christmas money, or for birthday gifts or Valentine's or Easter or just a random Tuesday when you have to bribe your children with toys in order to complete a very, very, very important conference call.
Here's the down-low on the Air Swimmer: Swim Through The Air! Remote Control Flying Shark**:
1. Do NOT expect to get anything done beginning the moment the Air Swimmer arrives. You child will no longer be able to think and will only be able to say "when are we putting my Shark together?" repeatedly.
2. The Robot Shark Balloon requires a VERY SPECIFIC type of boujee*** helium. You will need to plan in advance and build in time in your schedule for the helium filling.
The instructions say you need "non-diluted helium." I went to our local party store today**** with the deflated balloon. The conversation went a little like this.
Me: "Hi, can I get my balloon filled up. I need to have it filled with non-diluted helium."
Party Store Owner: "You get it filled with helium."
Me: "Yes, but can you make sure it is non-diluted? The instructions were very specific."
Party Store Owner: "You think my helium, no good? I give you back your balloon and you blow up yourself with your air."
Me: "No, I just wondered if there was a selection of heliums, could I have the non-diluted one."
Party Store Owner: "You take the helium I have or NOTHING."
Me: "Okay."
She filled it. I might be banned from the party store. And I have no idea if I got the right helium! I have no idea what happens if I got the diluted helium.
3. The filled shark balloon is not as big as a real shark, so don't worry! But it is as big as an adult pot belly pig, but not as heavy. In fact, as you can imagine, it is light and constantly wants to fly away to the heavens. So, DO NOT allow your child to carry the balloon. Instead you need to grip the balloon tightly on both sides, pray and carry to your vehicle yourself.
4. Do not plan on doing anything the day your fill up your Robot Shark Balloon. Today, I attempted to have a normal afternoon of work and text messaging friends Memes. I was interrupted every 4 minutes with "WHEN ARE WE PUTTING MY SHARK TOGETHER" repeatedly. They might even smack you with the inflated shark a few times.
5. Also and this is very important, SHOWER THE DAY BEFORE you fill up your Robot Shark Balloon! Today, I made the mistake of not showering. And well, I had to spray myself with perfume, like some sort of Egyptian mummy, to keep myself from gagging on my own musk. You also will not be able to eat or prepare a meal or do anything else. the Robot Shark Balloon is like a newborn!
6. You need some additional supplies, including two screw drivers (size: tiny and slightly more tiny), AAA batteries and extra tape. Build in time to gather these supplies and be prepared to pick the wrong size screwdrivers repeatedly, like Ground Hog's Day.
7. You need to know your Altitude. I don't know why, but this is critical when you are on step 8. I tried to ask Alexa, but she was unplugged. So I had to ask my husband, who then played a fun game of guess the altitude and wasted precious time. Just Google it in advance. Ask no one. They don't know.
8. You need to be good with stickers. There are lots of things to stick on. And there are extra stickers and rubber bands. And ribbon. I have no idea what half the items are for. When I was confused, I just used clear tape that I stole from my mother's dollar store tape stockpile.
9. You need a helper, but be prepared for them to lose focus. Nicholas was my helper and he often disappeared to play a quick game of Fortnight! But you need someone to hold the shark down, because since it is filled with helium it floats up. A lot.
10. After you follow all the steps, in order and read all the warnings, you have to pair your remote to the shark! This takes 1 hour. There is no getting around it. You also have to do a Double Dare challenge that involves a time clock, a first button press and a flicking of a switch. It is a lot. Meditate before hand so you can focus.
11. When the shark is complete, name it! Nicholas named his Robot Shark Balloon, Bessie! Bessie floats around on her own, but with the remote, she flicks her tail and then gets stuck behind the TV. She also scares the cat. But, Nicholas said she is SAVAGE and I think that is a compliment!
Oh and before I go, a note on where to buy: We grabbed "Bessie" from Vat19. I was skeptical, but once Nicholas showed me that someone with 1 million trillion YouTube followers vouched for Vat19, I figured it was a safe bet. I mean you cannot trust anyone these days--except for YouTubers, right?
*Full disclosure: We had the Flying Fish version of this before. However, someone opened it, lost all the parts and we never got to fully integrate it into our family!
**I have no idea how to punctuate this.
***I just learned how to spell boujee this week. Which makes me more boujee than I already was.
**** In my mask, while maintaining a social distance and after taking my temperature 17 times.
I love this, such a hysterical posting.
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