Thursday, February 12, 2015

These People Offended Me (or Off With Their Stupid Heads).

I received so much POSITIVE feedback on last week's "Ten Complainers (That I Love To Complain About) post. That I decided to write a weekly list of those who offend me.

Doesn't that sound uplifting?

Here is the list of the people who have offended me this week. If you need me, I will be wandering around my home muttering, "Off With Their Stupid Heads," while drinking black coffee and eating conversation hearts.


1. People Who Are Unable To Keep Track of Attendance
One of my children was listed as absent approximately 18 times. Note: she was not absent 18 times. No one knows what to do or how to correct the error. I do not have photographic evidence of my child entering the school building. Apparently, I need photographic evidence. I just ordered a Go Pro from Amazon to begin tracking my day. (This is why I should have a reality show!)  I am unsure what will happen.  I am sure whatever happens will be irritating and time consuming.

On a side note, this has caused me to go to the school approximately 400 times this week. 400 times. This is time I could have spent watching Revenge!

2. The Electric Company
Apparently, the electric company billing department is participating in "New Math." This what my bill looks like:
Usage Fee: $157
Taxes: $4.25
Total: $500,000.25

Apparently, the electric company cannot add. OR there are about a half-million bucks in hidden, top secret fees. I will have to get yet ANOTHER job.

3. People Who Question The Greatness of Valentine's Day
I am sorry if you don't have a Valentine. Let me know, I will send you a box of chocolates. I love LOVE, just like my favorite convict, Teresa Guidice. I love the opportunity to love my kids and my husband and my friends and my dog and even the Electric Company.

4. EVERYONE WHO HONKS THEIR HORN IN A NON-EMERGENCY SITUATION
Unless, someone is about to get hit by another vehicle, do not honk your horn. Do not honk your horn to get me to move more quickly. Do not honk your horn because you are late to work. Do not honk your horn because you are flapping. It makes me want to punch you in the face.

5. The Laundry
While, the laundry is not an actual person, it offends me as much as people do. It just sits there, all lazy and waiting for something. It practically screams: "Wash Me," Dry me," Fold me." Well you know what laundry: BITE ME!

There you have it. Only five people have offended me this week, so really, it is a super good week!

P.S. I am self aware enough to know that I have added five complainers  (who all happen to be me) to my list of complainers: people who complain about the school attendance office, people who complain about public utility bills, people who complain about Hallmark holidays, people who complain about horn honking and people who complain about the laundry. BUT, I own it.

PPS Happy Valentine's Day. Love you all, even when you are complaining about me.


2 comments:

  1. I laughed. Out loud. I love to laugh, so..you win <3 :D

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  2. I absolutely love your blog Trish! It is so informative but entertaining! Oh, and very real!!! Love it!!!!

    ReplyDelete