I am mostly dedicated to sleeping and reading books and discussing birds. But, then again, I do have my axillary fat, so maybe I should rip out a page from their work out regiments!
Each 5 am practice day begins the same. My alarm went off and I yelled Fuck several times and stumbled to the bathroom. Then, I came downstairs and could not find Chloe. Finally, I found her sitting in a darkened room underneath a blanket and she said, “I’ve been waiting for you,” as if she was a vampire or mob boss.
She would definitely be good at both professions. She has excellent leadership skills, loves a steak and would cut a bitch without remorse. She’s also a multitasker, so could be both a mob boss and a vampire with very little difficulty.
I should note that our house is not like an endless manor home with secret rooms. I have no idea why it is so hard to find her every morning. I think she moves around while I look or something. Or uses her vampire skills to hide on the ceiling in bat form. I know, I know, I sound ridiculous. But I told you, I am very tired!
After our reunion, we stumbled together to garage, me in pajamas and socks (shoes were too much this morning!) and her carrying 17 bags of swimming stuff and skincare and school books. I drove her, in the dark, while the moon was still on the rise, to the high school. We sat in the dark car while she complained using only sounds, “Ehhhhhhhh. Uhhhhh. Wahhhh. FIIIiiiiiiiiNINEEEEE.”
Then, a school bus drove up, she got out of the car and said “YOU ARE THE WORST! Love you!” and boarded the bus which took her to some sort of pool in Camden to practice swimming at some place nearish a Dollar General.
I really don’t know where they go exactly. I know I go home and sleep, waking up only because I am forced to work, because we are not rich, even though my children think we are.
This is every day, except the half of the week when Mike gets to enjoy his vampire mob boss swimmer daughter. I have no idea what his 5 am experiences are like because I am too tired and grumpy to ask him.
Anyway, now it is nearly 10 pm and I feel like I’ve just been allowed to sit down and stare. By stare, I mean write, sip a glass of water over chewy ice and eat an apple.
I love apples. And while an apple a day may keep the doctor away (maybe?), it does not give me the supernatural energy of a young person.
Like not at all.