Back to the Daily Writing (Day 249, Year 3)

School started for me last week. I am taking two classes--one on forms of science writing (the article, the long-form essay, the fact sheet, the blog, the press release, the podcast, etc.) and another on personal essays and memoirs.  I had a mental break a few days before my classes began over the memoir class. I really got wrapped up in my head over my (in)ability to perform at the highest, graduate, Johns Hopkins-like level. I didn't feel good enough. I felt like I wouldn't belong. I was freaking out because I find grammar tedious and big words to be puffery. 

And then I started class. Friends, I think the devil was whispering this nonsense in my ear, because I am an essayist. I've been an essayist my entire writing life and I've been writing nearly everyday in my blog for three years. Every entry is an essay experiment. And I have perfectly fine grammar (maybe? Whatever. I never cared before!) And my words--which come in all shapes and sizes--well, they are mine. I don't have to over inflate them into puffery. 

It's wonderful. I have 75 ideas for my first essay. I have to narrow it down to one, like ASAP, because then I have to write it. 

Since I now have endless school work and writing and readings and still have several jobs I juggle and several ongoing text message chains and my three children are as needy as ever, I decided that now was the time to get back to my (nearly) daily writing in Yoke. I cannot promise it will be everyday; but I love Yoke as a source for my own writing. I can look back and see what I was thinking when Lily's shunt failed or when I watched Bridgerton.  I can also look back and read between the lines and remember the things I did not want to publish and share. 

One of my essay ideas is around the early days of Lily's cancer treatment. Tomorrow, I might be brave enough to look at my email from 2007 and see what I really thought. Memories are tricky and while I remember so many things; other things have faded. 

That's it for now--maybe tomorrow I'll write about what it is like to send your oldest to her senior year and your middle to her freshman and your baby to 5th grade. (It's wonderful, FYI!). 

Write more soon. I promise!