Trying (Day 165, Year 3)

Today was trying. 

It was like the three little bears; only it was the three little Adkins. And maybe that analogy does not even work. The bottom line is that there are three Adkins children and each of them had some sort of episode. One tried to get out of a make-up English final and just eat pizza instead. Another had words with the front office staff of her school. The third is righteously angry about a situation at school. 

They each screamed, sucked the life out of me and are now perfectly happy and doing whatever they do in their bedrooms when they are not screaming at me or eating pizza instead of taking an English final. 

Friends, I think this is the hardest stage of parenthood--the one in which your children are sort of grown; but not and very difficult. The world expects a lot out of them and I expect a lot out of them and my children expect a lot out of the world. 

I really have no idea how my parents got through all of this. I'd ask my Dad, but he is dead. I ask my mother and she just tells me I was perfect. 

I WAS NOT PERFECT.

Will I think my children are perfect someday? Like will I forget all of this? Do I want to forget all of this?

I don't think I do. I want to remember how my oldest kept messing up at school when she is getting her Bachelor's degree. I want to remember how my middle pushes and defies authority when she changes the world and stands up for justice. I want to remember how my son was left feeling less than when he is in a position of leadership and works to make sure everyone around him feeling like more. 

I want to remember these less than perfect days; because I know the children I expect a lot out of, will deliver a lot because they are the three little, very difficult, very expensive, very loud Adkins.

And while they suck the life out of me today; tomorrow they might fill me with life or maybe not, but someday, I am sure they will. I have confidence in those three.