The second break is in the evening, when they decide to retire to their beds. They usually pop up after the initial disappearance. I could pretend they pop up because of a bad dream or because they want a hug; but really they just need me to get back to work because they need to quiet their minds for rest and bedtime TikTok.
In this household, we offer services from Dusk to Dawn and Dawn to Dusk!
Our motto is: WE ARE ALWAYS OPEN FOR BUSINESS (except during our two breaks a day and 5 hours of permitted sleep a night!)
Here are the services we provide:
1. Listening ears when having a bathing suit or other wardrobe crisis.
Wake up at 5:45 am and begin screaming about your bathing suit bottoms? Well, we are here to listen (because we have no choice, you are screaming directly in our ears.). Concerned at 11pm on a Friday that you will be not number 22 for your travel soccer season and need someone to immediately write a stern letter to your coaches? Count us in! We are fast typers.
2. Answering ancestral questions when Ancestry.com is not appropriate.
Is it 11:30pm and you just have to know if our 107 year old dog is neutered and if so, when was the surgery and what was the recovery like? Never fear, we can brush our teeth next week! I'll spit that toothpaste out and pull out my pet surgery binder and get you all the answers before you can ask when the cat was spayed. Are you concerned how your great great great great grandmother's father got to school without a school bus? Well, never fear, I can assuage your worries by telling you that your great great great great grandmother's father did not attend school because they did not have school on Noah's Ark.
3. Remote services are available, too!
Do you find yourself competing in an Olympic-type sporting event in another state and you haven't completed an assignment from January 2023 about the stages of pregnancy, well, we are at the ready to take you through all those stages in an interactive way that includes dramatic screaming (akin to the 5:45am bathing suit bottom event you missed because you are away) and crying (mood swings are part of pregnancy!). It is a very immersive experience we offer! We can also "put money in" your "account for protein bars and hot pink nail polish." Is it too much to connect with the parent with you on in the other state? Never fear, we are at the ready to get them on the line just like secretaries did in the 1950s.
4. Editing, review and design services at all hours.
Is it dawn and you haven't written your student ambassador essay? Just give us a scream and tell us how annoying we are and we can transcribe an essay for you about "what a people person you are." Did you write a story set in the 1970s village with a magic wall and need someone to "make an ending so it makes sense," well, there are no "weekends" here, there are just creative endings to fictional stories.
5. Missing item delivery.
Did you forget your favorite red socks? Or the iPad which you use to do all your school work? Are you missing the costume you are wearing for your performance in 12 minutes? Do you need a uniform for an upcoming travel game but a video about neutering dogs has your attention? Well, you know how to reach us! Just SCREAM (but not on our two breaks a day, thanks).