Today's Anxiety is Brought to You by a Non-Sporty Mother (Day 137, Year 3)

This morning, while the moon was up and then later when the sun was up, my oldest daughter looked at me and said:

"You are certainly very Holly Golightly this morning." 

I had my sunglasses and polka dot pajamas on for the drives to crew practice and back and Starbucks and school runs and kept sighing and saying things like "why is it so dark?" "why is it so bright?" "why is it? where am I?"

I was very impressed with her reference to a favorite oldie of mine. I was less impressed with the 4:30 am wake up call, that was entirely her fault but for good reason because she is a very dedicated athlete! 

However, I am unsure if I am the right type of parent for a dedicated athlete, but I am trying to be more sporty as they succeed and push forward in their sporting endeavors. I am don't know if I am doing it right, but I do have lipstick colors picked out to match their teams (hot pink for South Jersey Rowing, red for Haddon Township sports and a nice clear gloss for Cherry Hill, which brings out my blue eyes.). I do not think they've noticed the lipstick spirit because they keep suggesting I wear branded t-shirts to match their team. 

I do not like to wear branded t-shirts except for a few altered and curated concert t-shirts. Sometimes I will wear a shirt that says something funny like "Wish you were beer" or "Indoorsy." I will also wear my Snoop Dogg shirt (unaltered, it's perfect like Snoop) and my Counting Crows shirt (altered with the collar ripped out and tied to the side with a satin maxi skirt) and of course, all my Pearl Jam shirts, because Pearl Jam knows how to make a good t-shirt. And I'll wear white t-shirts--in fact I hoard white t-shirts. 

But, I mostly hate branded, event t-shirts with giant logos stretched across my breasts and tight spots in the middle and extra fabric at the bottom and collars that cover my collar bones. The whole look is not attractive on me--collar bones are for showing off ladies! 

And that whole t-shirt rant WAS NOT very sporty. And the collar bones comment was absolutely a bit insane, but this is who I am! 

I am also afraid to cheer too loudly sometimes because I fear I am cheering the wrong thing. I try to hear what other people are cheering, but I often cannot figure out the context. And most of the sports parents aren't trying to get cute pictures, they seem to be riveted on the game. 

Anyway, this is who my children got as a mother, so I guess it is a growth experience for us all. But, sometimes I fear my children are not getting enough arts and culture and words. I mean I do talk a lot during sporting events, so if they are not playing they get all my words and sometimes I even have my Kindle with me to read during breaks in the game--only breaks!!--so they can see me reading and maybe consider reading themselves. And once in a while we are able to go to museum for the day and just enjoy the peace and serenity that comes with art. 

But really that is not often these days. What if my children are not well rounded and just sporty and they grow up to resent their non-sporty mother and never want to spend time with me? Or what if they are upset I refuse to wear their "Haddon Township Field Hockey" T-shirt that really looks like "don "Township Fi" because the "Had" and the "eld Hockey" are hidden by my side boob and arms?

I mean I am still mad at my mother for not wearing the nickel-plated ring I got her from Woolworth in 1985 for her birthday. I think she gave it away to a Trick or Treater. 

These are the strange worries that keep me up a night (and stop me from falling asleep at stoplights when I am up at 4:30 am). I just want them to be happy and like me. I really want them to like me. I don't want them to like grow up and abandon me and tell their new sports friends about their dippy mother and her lipstick and laugh at me. 

Naturally the only solution is to ask my middle child what she thinks, because she is always honest and never, ever sugar coats anything. 

So I asked her, "Do you think you will grow up to resent me for not wearing branded team t-shirts?

Chloe said: "I would resent you if you did. They look weird on your boobs."

Well, friends, there you have it, all is well!