I did not worry about jail gangs when they were little (Day 132, Year 3)

Several times a day, I think of some parents of younger children who told me that once their children got a little more independent things would be easier. 

I think of these parents and laugh and laugh because given the ages of their children, I'll be out of this "easier" (hahaha) stage when they enter it and hopefully, I'll be able to enjoy watching how "easy" it is for them. 

Friends, I know everyone has a different experience with parenting, but I don't believe parenting gets easier. Like grief, adulthood and tax preparation, you just used to the toughness of it all and resign yourself to exhaustion. My kids all have different obligations, different personalities, different problems and give me anxiety for different reasons.

They are bigger and older and have responsibilities of their own. Teachers and schools communicate with them directly instead of with me (even though they are jobless and carless). I have very little control of my free time because really my free time is at the discretion of my children's schedules, which are very full, especially this time of year. And, of course, I could compel them to say no to things and they do, actually, but they cannot say no to the sport they love or field day or prom or dances or field trips. 

I have constant anxiety I am forgetting something, because I am forgetting something always. 

If anything, I have more anxiety now than I did when they were little.  I would even hazard to guess that my anxiety level is similar to when I was worried about MRIs and oncology appointments because I am still a little worried about that, plus everything else. 

And I absolutely know everything will work out. My kids will figure it out as long as no one is the victim of sex trafficking or a serial killer or turns to a life of crime and forces me to worry about them in jail.

I don't think I could handle that. What if they got in a jail gang!?

I did not worry about jail gangs when they were little. 

And I don't need reassurance, I just need a place to vent. There isn't a solution to my anxiety. I think my anxiety is normal and ordinary. I think Eve had the same anxiety about all of mankind after she ate that apple, which really makes me very angry with her and her idiot husband Adam. 

Really, they are the worst, friends, the absolute worst. 

And with that, I am signing off to take to my bed and lay here worrying about what will befall my children tomorrow.