I care what everybody thinks! (Day 96, Year 3)

Well, friends, I am back on track! Today had many strange epsiodes, including one in which I mixed up the name of a client in conversation with said client and called them the name of a character in Rom Com I am reading. Then I proceeded to explain the mix up and actually said the word "steamy" when describing the book. I was simply unable to stop talking. 

My husband said this is because I am a geniune person and that I am "as honest as the day is long." Which are both lovely things to say. But, I think it is because there is something wrong with me and I have self-control issues. 

Hopefully, the client will find me endearing and geniune versus senile and dangerous. I'll keep you posted!

I could blame this situation on my late night last night; but in truth, I am this way even when I am well-rested. I always need to explain myself, to the point of exhaustion. I am trying to figure out why I am this way; but really I have no idea. Okay that isn't entirely true; I am this way because I hate when people misunderstand me or they get a wrong idea about me. I don't think I'll ever reach the point in which I say "I don't care what everyone thinks of me!"

I care what everyone thinks! I care a lot. Now, this isn't to say that I care what they think. I suppose it depends on the person. I don't particularly care that some educators find me "abrasive" and "dramatic" or a participant in "whataboutery." (I've accidentally been cced on emails from a variety of school in which these words have been used to descirbe me. I do LOVE that I know, because it gives me a chance to be even more abrasive and dramatic, while also bringing evidence-based requests, with the literature and journal articles attached, to every meeting. 

I also don't particularly care that my children often find that they "hate" me or that they think I am "difficult," "annoying," "frustrating,"  and "intolerable." That's the way I have to be lest they grow up to be monsters. 

But, I do want to know what they think! I care a lot how the tide is turning and what the general sentiment is around my house. 

I also care a lot about what people think of my writing. I do care that they like it; but then again, I do get excited when something I've written has upset someone. Anyway, thanks for caring and reading and commenting on my posts and then also chasing me down at public events to tell me you read Yoke. I think that's pretty awesome.