Well, friends, I've lost my Kindle. Before you provide me suggestions on where it could be, just know I've thought of that. I even know the chain of custody of my Kindle today, up until the point it was no longer in my bag. Also, I will not pray to St. Anthony or whatever because I do not believe in the Kindle finding power of St. Anthony. I am not Catholic; saints do not do it for me. Also, while I am irate and beside myself, I don't think God or anyone God adjacent should waste their time on a Kindle.
In any event, I hope it was run over by a car; instead of the alternative of someone reading my books on it.
There is a very tiny chance that my Kindle will just show up somewhere odd. I might go sweep the front lawn for it. There is a tinier chance it is at the Panera where I was sitting and working today while I had lunch. I did a visual sweep of the area before I left; so I don't hold much hope. But, I've been surprised before when important objects have gone missing. Plus, I felt compelled to do the visual sweep, which isn't always the case. Perhaps it is wedged under the table with the Panera debris of the day.
I think I might hate Panera a little.
This is what you do when you've lost something, you lose all grasp on rationality and perspective. When I lost my life notebook in the town Acme--the notebook filled with my writing and my life--I accused at least seven Acme employees of stealing intellectual property. They were not amused or entertained. However, one of them, somehow produced my notebook and said they found it on a shelf in the backroom!
I am sure that's where they left it while they tried to decode my sideways notes and very secretive doodles.
I once lost a diamond pendant in a crack in the floor of my old house on Rodman Street. I was begrudgingly rushing to work at Xando (which was later purchased by Cosi) and my necklace slid right off and into a crack and then somehow the pendant became part of the house, itself, forever. It is like it as eaten. I was so angry that I called Xando and quit. Why? I have no idea.
I just couldn't take it anymore. I guess that necklace was the only thing keeping me even and then the house ate it.
Tonight, I am very irate with my husband and blame him entirely for my missing Kindle. It is not logical, but since he is not missing anything and has my old Kindle (probably misplaced!) he is absolutely the object of my glare and dirty looks.
Plus, he was watching videos on his phone with the volume up, which everyone knows is very anti-Kindle behavior.
So, yeah, I am in a very good MENTAL SPACE.
I know, I know, this is not a real problem. But it annoys me none-the-less and then annoys me even more when I think about how unimportant this problem is and how it is interrupting my ONE BIT OF QUIET JOY IN THE EVENING. What's that stupid thing elevated people say? OH RIGHT, DON'T LET ANYONE RUIN YOUR PEACE.
Well, tell that to my Kindle. Oh right, you cannot. BECAUSE IT IS MISSING.
Anyway, I have to go now and sweep the front yard, irrationally, for my missing Kindle.
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