So much talking. (Day 87, Year 3)

This afternoon Nicholas had two friends over for a playdate after a field trip. At one point, during a robust discussion over super power selection, Nicholas just shouted "NO MORE TOPICAL DISCUSSIONS! NO MORE TALKING! I LOVE YOU BOTH BUT WE JUST NEED TO SIT QUIETLY AND TAKE A BREAK."

I laughed because I shout something similar at least twice a day. I also try to quietly communicate this at bedtime when my husband is talking and talking. Okay, this an exaggeration because my husband really does not talk and talk. It is just that sometimes even "Good night" becomes too much for my addled, over stimulated brain. It's just like my brain is full and backed up from processing all the words flying at me and I cannot handle even one more. 

Nicholas learns the best by listening--and since he is dyslexic, the written word is often out of reach.  I am forced to listen all day to children, interview subjects, in meetings and podcasts and NPR during my 107 runs to activities and school. It's a lot of listening for the both of us. And man, it is draining. 

I am not exactly sure how to cope with it all. 

My husband definitely has his feelings hurt when I brush off his evening "I love you," with mumbles or silence. (I just cannot risk replying, lest he talks EVEN MORE!). Nick's buddies were shocked and baffled at the outburst; but their shock translated into silence which was his desired outcome. I made him apologize to them--which did lead to additional discussion which was undesirable. And Mike is traveling this week, so I want to connect with him and talk on the phone, except I actually don't want to talk or listen to anyone talking at all. And my girls want to talk and tell me everything. . .but I'd rather text and give my auditory system a break. 

Maybe this is why I read so many books; the talking is too much for me. 

I know all of this translates as me being mean or a hypocrite. I love to talk when I am not ready to scream if I hear one more word. I love to listen to people's stories. But, somedays I am just so drained from it all that I need peace and solitude and silence. 

Which, I will get, right after I read a story to Nick, listen and participate in our evening "doctor talk" (Topic today is dissection.), chat with my girls lest they think I do not like them and connect with my husband, so I really miss a lot even though it has only been 12 hours since we last talked (and there have been so many words in between that time and now). 

And then friends, I can escape into the blissful silence of a book or simply staring at the wall, until tomorrow's talking begins anew.