Yesterday was a very "go go go" day with a million scheduled things and lots of costume changes for my children and the orchestration of several drop-offs, pick-offs, applying to graduate school and the kick-off of the Lenten small group I am leading for my church. Today was slated to be very "go go go," however instead it felt like a failure to launch sort of day.
It began before dawn with our old pup Henry having some trouble getting up. He's back to himself now (after three Milk Bones dipped in honey as a bribe) and I think he will agree with all of us and say, if he could speak, that getting old sort of sucks. Then, after that drama was over, there was some school meeting drama, which has not resolved and I am still waiting for phone calls to be returned to me.
As expected, when an Adkins calls, no one is super excited to answer and is suddenly very busy. I don't want to slander anyone, because it is all going to be fine and maybe they are actually busy versus practicing Adkins-Avoidance. I'll just keep "Reschedule Meeting" on my 3/3/2023 to-do list and hope I can resolve it by 3/2/2024.
I also had trouble getting dressed this morning. Which is a really sad thing to say out loud. This is not a function of getting older--like I can still button and zipper--but a function of being disorganized and unfocused. I really am a person who needs to lay out her clothing in advance and when I don't do that, madness ensues in the form of discarded clothing everywhere and piles and while I eventually settled on an outfit, tomorrow's dressing time, will be worse than today. So add "Clean Out Closet" and "Plan Outfits" to the 3/2/2023 to do list, acknowledging that I will do neither, but leave them on the list anyway as both hope and punishment.
And I continued in this ridiculous way of literally getting nothing done. I had meetings and wrote a couple things and read some things and made dinner and got two of kids out of the door to perform in Joseph and the Technicolor Dream Coat and a third to lacrosse practice. I went to the musical (it was a fun show!I am so proud of Lily and Nick for their hardwork and courage. It's hard to get up on stage!). Now I've got a child to bed, one contact out of my eye (the other is elusive) and I am writing here, but still I feel like I've failed today completely.
I don't know why--but if I had to guess it is my lack of connection with the tasks of the day. It's like I just couldn't get it together and focus (much like my eyes now with one contact in and one contact out). Sometimes I cannot focus if I don't have a day of "go go go." It's like I am just flailing around and lost without the structure.
But, there is always tomorrow to try again, friends.