Flying figs and hot fudge (Day 89, Year 3)

To the mother who ate an entire Costco hot fudge sundae while watching her daughter play lacrosse, I say rock on, sister. 

I am that mother, in case you wondered. And that Costco hot fudge sundae was the only thing keeping me from screaming in the middle of the main street in our town. I've been through it friends and by it, I mean raising two teenagers and a 10 year-old.

There was a lot of fighting and screaming today. Most of it was directed at me--the horrible woman who thinks everyone should turn in their school work and read books. One child threatened to skip higher education and instead become an actor, while simultaneously telling me that I should look at my own endless to-do list and realize that I am behind, too. 

I mean what in actual flying figs, friends!?!

Another child mentioned that if I was not early to pick her up, she would DIE LOUDLY so everyone knew that her mother was always late. 

I told her the entire town knows I am always late and they haven't locked me up yet. 

And a third urinated in the shower (again). 

He is now very good at cleaning showers. 

And all three had a 10pm fight over hot water usage. They used very creative language like "that little butt," "you big meanie," and simply "ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" to argue. No one won. Everyone is now passed out and no one is bathed and I think the entire argument was just to distract me from the fact that they did not clean up after dinner. 

Seriously, why are they like this? They are not like this to the outside world. The big one is ADORED by her coaches for her drive and dedication (they don't give out labs assignments, so they don't really know what's she capable of NOT doing). The middle one happily braids little girls hair for their musicals without a compliant. The little one cons everyone he meets by smiling and shaking their hands. 

He shook the hand of the field trip bus driver the other day and thanked him for his service. 

It was really intense. 

Anyway and either way, they are EXHAUSTING. But, they provide me with endless blog content. AND they do also provide me wonderful excuses for hot fudge sundae consumption. So, I guess I'll keep them and keep being paid to be their handler in Costco products. Tomorrow, I am going for the strawberry sundae, just to mix it up a little bit.