Haggard Skin(Day 39, Year 3)

Tonight, I'd like to discuss skin care for the haggard. I am the haggard, so don't get all offended and think I am talking about you!

But before I do, let's look at my hair again! This is day 3 of the Reel hairstyle I was served by Facebook at 6:15 am on Monday. I once had a friend who wore the same dress for a year or 3 months straight and posted about it on Facebook with the hashtag that was something like #SameDressDifferentDay and #IWashedItLastNightDoNotWorry. Anyway, I am beginning to feel like her. My hashtags would be different, of course, #SameHairWhatDayIsIt and #INeverWashMyHair and #LiceLoveCleanHairSoIAmBeingProactive.

And before I get to my skin care for the haggard discussion, I'd like to mention that today someone from Johns Hopkins University texted me to see if I could upload part of my application TODAY. I said yes and in a few moments I will upload my resume. My resume includes a link to this blog, which is terrifying. Anyway, I guess they should know what they are getting. . .so without adieu:

Skin care for the haggard!

One disclaimer to this discussion that I feel I must add because I am hopefully going to be a very qualified science writer one day: I am not a healthcare professional! Always talk to them for medical advice, even if I sound professional when I offer my own skincare for the haggard tips. Also, I will not sound professional! 

Friends, lately my skin has looked almost as bad as it did when I had COVID in January 2022. It isn't as gray as it was; but it is looking, well, HORRIBLE. I have bags under my eyes and my skin isn't exactly dry but it isn't exactly greasy. When I smile for real--like a super big smile--I look deranged. 

I know some of this is aging. But some of this must be able to be helped! I don't remember looking at my 90-something (we never knew her real age) Grammy and thinking: "There is a haggard woman." One, she probably would have read my mind and then ran me over with her walker. And two, she wasn't haggard. She always looked fresh and rested and ready to raise hell at Pine Run Retirement Community. 

While professionals will tell you sleep is great for your skin, I can tell you that is an unrealistic prescription! I cannot get more sleep. I have three children and they are so much work. And even if I get them into their quarters before 10pm, I need at least 1 hour to charge down from the stress and anxiety of dealing with them. Tonight, for example, my lovely teenage daughters staged a fight over golden tamarin monkeys and booty shorts at 8:17pm. And then at 10:10pm, my son, who was whisper shouting I AM ASLEEP was found to be playing lacrosse from his bed. 

I need at least 1 hour to slow my heart rate before I sleep.

These are the things I am going to try to tame my haggard skin:

1. Buy more makeup! I think someone famous once said "JUST PAINT IT!" (maybe Paige Davis from Trading Spaces?)  I am going to do this.

2. Try all those face masks I've received in my FitFabFun (FunFabFit?) Box! I have at least 17 different masks that I've never tried and 3 that I have tried, but gave me hives. I am going to try them all, even the ones I am allergic, too, because you know what? Hives are sort of exfoliating. I'll just have the epipen ready and make sure someone responsible is home.

3. Drink more! I will drink more water and more wine. The water will apparently hydrate and the wine will make me look fabulous in the mirror! 

4. Use filters! I am going to investigate all the filters and all the lighting I can to ensure I am always look unrealistically not-haggard. 

5. Use my blog to fish for compliments! Now, I know no one will look at my haggard picture and comment "You DO LOOK HAGGARD!" If you do, you are dead to me. Most of you will say, "You don't look haggard!" or "I think you look great for your age!" or "Happy 25th Birthday!" And I think lies are the best anecdote for haggard skin. 

Thanks for lying to me! You also look FABULOUS for your age! Happy 30th birthday! You don't look older than me at all!