Today, friends, January 3 was listed as a Tuesday on my calendar. But when I breakdown everything that happened today, it is apparent that today is really Monday wearing Tuesday's clothes. All the horrible, dreaded apocalyptic Monday things happened--there was poop where it did not belong, there were terrifying early morning knocks on my bedroom door, followed by screaming in the hallways and of course, it is nearly 9 pm and I've only managed to fake a shower, by putting enough cover-up on to cover yesterday's mascara and brushing my hair using a doll brush.
No one in this house even plays with dolls anymore, which is why I lucked out with the doll brush. Otherwise, I'd be using my fingers and a pencil to detangle myself.
I also have a splinter in my hand. I don't know how or when, but I think it is related to the Coca-cola that was mysterious spilled on our ancient hardwood floors and the subsequent angry cleaning, followed by the splinter getting.
These are NOT TUESDAY THINGS, friends! These are Monday things! Tuesdays include showering and exclude poop in wrong places.
Tuesdays also exclude:
- Chasing down people for money (this is more of a Friday-Monday thing)
- Panicked phone calls about matters so confidential you cannot even share in your blog
- A second incident of poop in a wrong place while cooking dinner
- Fights over the Ninja Creami and homemade banana sorbet