Wednesday, January 25, 2023

An Exploration of Fatigue. (Day 25, Year 3)

Today, I walked up the basement stairs and my knee began to hurt. Then it continued to hurt. Then I texted a friend about it. 

And now I have a limp, which I think is permanent. 

I am also so tired each day that whenever I sit in a chair that is one level more comfortable than a dining room chair, I am tempted to nap. This concerns me! 

I saw someone posting about their middle schooler's fatigue and asking for advice. I read the comments hoping for insights and all I really got was that teachers believe every child who falls asleep in class is vaping or abusing pain pills. 

While I could use some pain pills for my knee, I am not vaping or abusing anything. I am just tired. I decided tonight that I should explore my day to day and maybe understand why I am fatigued. 

Okay that was a totally lame set-up, I know why I am fatigued! THERE IS NO MYSTERY! 

I have three children, I am rapidly aging and chaos seems to follow me around.

Like today: in addition to my work (writing about childhood cancer, supporting marketing efforts for a local business, email marketing for baby food, staring at my grad school statement of purpose), I also had to do things like set up and go to an appointment for muscle testing for Lily. Lily has decided to pursue pararowing and the classification process involves proving all her impairments (let me tell you this is a real fucking kick in the teeth, even if the both of us pretend it isn't) and then also proving she can row. It's an amazing opportunity for her to continue to grow in her sport over a lifetime and as with all amazing opportunities the lift is amazingly time consuming. Plus, our shared emotions over the hard things life has handed Lily. This, friends, is a lot to relive. And I'd be a liar if I said doctor's appointments are easy. They are not. They are reminders of the past we try to live beyond. Anyway. . 

Then there was a field trip thing for the elementary school and some time spent thinking about my maybe dead sister (see this Yoke) and planning dinner and then going to a choir meeting for Nick and high school orientation for Chloe and coming home to another dead mouse (thanks to the cat Rosie). And there is my blog to write, my core workout to do and a birthday party to plan and a big giant list of things I did not get done because I was busy doing things not on the list. 

I think this is why I am tired, friends. And I think it is okay to be tired. All these things are necessary parts of this stage in my life. They are things that serve my kids and my career and my family and my community. They are things I wouldn't give up, even for a nap. 



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