I don’t think I’ve ever written about my obsession with clothes and accessories and outfits for every occasion. I think about what I am going to wear obsessively. I’ve always been this way. Like right now, I am debating on what I should wear in the morning for ice cream tasting and German food, while simultaneously thinking about what to wear in the evening that is both comfy and Auntie Mame enough for New Years Eve.
BUT that is not what I want to discuss tonight! (I told you clothing is distracting!) I want to discuss wine and provide my very biased wine reviews! Unlike someone who has studied wine and perhaps pours extra tasting in the bucket at the vineyard instead of chugging that crap like a champ, I will offer you unfiltered and practical advice!
First on the list are some selections from my cultural icons (minus the jail time), Snoop Dog and Martha Stewart ( I LOVE YOU BOTH!)
1. 19 Crimes Cali Gold-this sparkling California white is the wine you bring because of the people you are with NOT for the people you are with. Everyone will want a sip; but don’t share or you won’t have enough for you! It is light and fun and with every sip, I suggest you mutter “Bow Wow Wow Yippee Yo Yippee Yay”
2. 19 Crimes Snoop Dog Red Blend and Martha’s Chard-I know I just shoved two wines in one entry, but I had a lot of wine tonight and sometimes everything is simply too much. Anyway, both these wines are what I call “Third Bottle of Wines.” You don’t bring these to your favorite BYOB and you don’t drink these first. Once you’ve gotten through two bottles, you turn to your red or chard and you will feel chill and ready to milk a goat or distill your own gin for gin and juice.
3. Whispering Angel Rose—this is the official rose of my Haddon Township queens. We often clear the G Bar cellar of their Whispering stock. It is light and crisp and like water. And like water, you should have 8 glasses a day, minimum.
4. Stick Wine (aka Montepulciano)—First of all, everyone should stop reading and say MONTEPULCIANO in an affected, snotty, haughty accent with their noses up. After you do this, you will understand why Stick Wine (which has a tiny stick tied to it with raffia, as if your great papa sal made it especially for you) is the perfect wine to order out, bring to your BYOB and casually discuss when you are socializing with people you dislike and wish to belittle. Okay, that was mean! In all seriousness, stick wine is legit and perfect for date night (and one upping haughty bitches who are giving you up down and judging your outfit!)
5. Sancerre—everyone needs to have a French Sancerre chilled and ready for picnicking or aggressive sipping during stressful fancy events! Sancerre is my favorite French wine—light, dry and so unique that you know you are drinking something special.
6. The Beaujolais-I first bought this French wine to feel fancy and grown up when I was 22 and mostly drank Franzia in shame. But the thing is, it is fancy and grown up and a lovely red wine that no one hates! People are so opinionated and know-it-all-y about everything but no one complains about the Beaujolais, because they are too busy chugging it.
With that friends, I am off to have a cup of tea. (it’s late! And I have ice cream to taste and outfits to plan.) Happy almost 2023!
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