Productivity Theater (Day 278, Year 2)

I heard this term called "productivity theater" on NPR today. Apparently, it is frowned upon to share all your accomplishments with the intention of putting on a performance versus actually performing. I think this is stupid. How else will everyone know your true incompetence if you don't humble brag and also air your dirty laundry in a masterpiece "Productivity Theater" performance of your own? How else will you make friends and influence people if you don't share every last ridiculous, unimportant thing you've done?

I, for one, love theater and I love talking about my day and I love making friends and influencing people! 

Today was Yom Kippur and I do not observe Yom Kippur, so I cannot share anything about all the Yom Kippur things I did. My children, however, were very happy for the day off and also happy they do not have to atone or fast like their Jewish friends. 

(They do have several things to atone for; but I guess they can do the Protestant thing and take that up with God directly whenever they have a chance.) 

Anyway, they were off and Mike was off on an airplane; so I was half-off and half-on, as it goes for me with my very atypical work life. At first, we were just lazing around and planning Halloween costumes (one of the Hocus Pocus witches for Chloe, Corn for Lily, Undecided for Nicholas, but definitely not an inflatable costume because I just cannot.). Then, I found myself in the wilds of the South Jersey. Later, I was in Haddonfield eating Mexican food. And now, finally, after a half-off, half-on Yom Kippur, I am home.

Since you are all just sitting there wondering what I did today, I'll save you stalkers the trouble and share this Wednesday's episode of my Productivity Theater. Here's my performance that I performed all day today, lest you believe me to be sitting around waiting for phone calls and invitations to dinner:

1. I took a very professional call in Corn Maze. I was lost most of the time and out of breath. But I think I said some brilliant yet potentially bizarre things. I also found the exit, which was great because I still had a full day ahead of me. 

2. I endured a 17 minute retelling of "trying to find the DMV instead of calling like the letter said" story from my mother. It was only 17 minutes because I had to walk away lest I began screaming. There is apparently "more to the story," so I will avoid my mom for at least 72 hours. 

3. I ordered mums I will never plant or water and purchased gourds that will remain displayed until they rot in the winter sun. This is a tradition of mine. Mike LOVES it. 

4. I thought I muted another call to politely ask my children to stop hitting one another. The reality is  my call was not muted and I was not polite. The only truthful part of this statement is that my children were hitting one another. 

5. I came up with a brilliant idea for my statement of purpose for graduate school. I've been planning on applying for 5 years. I will forget this idea and need a new brilliant one in 2027, when I also don't apply. 

6. I simmered in frustration at all the people who need to be told to bless their tiny, little, special hearts. This includes: the prescription approval department at UnitedHealthCare (yeah, Raj, I am talking about YOU!), Lily's Algebra 2/Trig teacher (yeah, I know its a small town. Don't worry I am sure the teacher is expecting me to bless her heart), Lily (16 year olds are something), and several other people I am forgetting because I am so annoyed.

7. I managed to feed, drive and parent everyone, including myself. (my mother is not much into parenting and hasn't ever been, plus I am 45, so its fine, I don't have any mother issues that require therapy or anything). And this friends, is miraculous.