No Code. (Day 256, Year 2)

Warning: Sometimes I speak of nothing at all. 

Tomorrow is our last Pearl Jam show of the year without another one on the schedule. The waiting drove me mad and its finally here and I am a mess! 

I am both excited and scared. They are white male Americans who are older--even older than me--I feel they could be out of commission at any moment with a broken hip or some strange chronic medical condition. Eddie cancelled shows over his voice in Europe! 

So I am not being paranoid, I am just being that elderly woman behind a counter in a small town!

But, I know, it makes much more sense to live in the present tense, so I'll save my predictions and burn my assumptions. 

I loved Pearl Jam before I loved my husband; which is saying a lot because I've loved my husband since 1994. The good news is, he's loved them longer than he's loved me, too, so no one can be irrationally jealous. We were both in too deep with Pearl Jam before we became each other's love boat captains. And really, there is no better man than one who loves the band you love. I felt this way at 16 years old and I will feel this way at 96 years old and beyond while I'm still alive. Music sets the tone for a state of love and trust that is unmatched. 

Typically, Pearl Jam shows are just Mike and I--after all we travel to see them and I'll take a train or fly by train. I'd see Pearl Jam anywhere, anytime--I will go with my hands bound, if I have to! 

Even though I am lucky to count on both hands the ones I love, don't necessarily have friends in Seattle or London who also love Pearl Jam (minus the other fifty million hands upraised and open toward the sky at the show. I like to think they are our jamily, too). This year, Pearl Jam is in Camden--about 10 minutes away from our home. So, hail, hail the lucky ones--all the local fans we know and love--who will be at the show. 

Once upon a time, Pearl Jam was impossible to see when they had a fight with Ticketmaster. We were left to spin the black circle on our own and listen to CDs and sometimes LPs. It was frustrating, like being at home drawing pictures when we could have been rockin' in the free world. I really felt like Ticketmaster was telling me I had to hide my love away. However, I shouldn't spend time alone redigesting past regrets. The past is the present and the future no more; but I will argue that every tomorrow is not the same as before, because I've been able to see Pearl Jam everywhere!  I'd take a boat to Zanzibar (and hope I can one day to see Pearl Jam on all the continents!). 

Each show, Eddie whispers pleasing words, then belts them out across all five horizons and we all stand back when the spirit comes. The music turns me up and we just spin, spin, spin. 

It's like totally the best. 

I have so many songs on my wishlist: Black, Chloe Dancer/Crown of Thorns (although they just covered earlier in the week at Madison Square Garden), Present Tense, Dance of the Clairvoyants, Quick Escape, Why Go, Spin the Black Circle, State of Love and Trust, Corduroy, Superblood Wolf Moon and my two favorites Unknown Thought and Given to Fly. 

As you may know, Given to Fly reminds me of my brother. Every word in that song is like having David back at my side. And I still whisper the lyrics to Unknown Thought to my kids--everyone should realize they are no one's rival. 

I cannot wait to make my own quick escape to Camden. If you are going and see me singing in the distance, just know I can see you, too.