Sunday, September 11, 2022

First Full Week (Day 254, Year 2)

This evening I received an email with the subject line: "First Full Week," from our beloved elementary principal. You may recall that this is the same man who sent out "Miss You Mondays," in the summer, when no one missed school. Anyway, the email and the prospect of a full week of all the things fills me with severe anxiety, so I deleted the email.

Then I went and recovered the email. And deleted it again. And then recovered it again. And then I moved it to a folder that is filled with things I will never read but might need. All of this madness happened in exactly 2.5 minutes. 

Friends, I don't know if I am ready for all of this for a FULL WEEK. Last week, there were several dramas involving new school start and end times (still a mystery), the bus schedule (also a mystery), sports anxiety (I prayed over children like a Southern woman in several parking lots while they extremed like it was an exorcism), extreme fatigue (i.e. passing out in bar mitzah dresses mid-writing) and today, amongst other things, the mystery of the red toe. 

My son has a toe which is red, maybe sort of purple-ish and is clearly the result of an ingrown toenail. If I mention the toe or mention medical attention, he becomes belligerent. I attempted to post a photo of it and it was removed (I mean NO ONE WANTS TO SEE IT) from my Fancy Bike Moms Group, even though I endure all their questions about childhood custody and divorce. I am tempted to share in Non-Toxic Moms, who will recommend a varity of oils and plant-based solutions that won't work. In the end, I will take an entire day off work to wrestle him into the doctor. 

Today there was also a very, very, very loud screaming epsiode between our girls. Whenever we ask them to do anything beyond picking up one sock, they turn into lunatics and turn on each other screaming insane things like "I AM NOT ALLOWED TO GO TO THERAPY BECAUSE OF YOU!" I am not entirely sure what that means, because everyone here is allowed and encouraged to go to therapy. I did make the mistake of asking and then they just screamed louder, waking up their grandmother (who goes to bed at 6:30pm in the Fall) and was not pleased by the screaming. 

Don't worry: my girls did not stop screaming for her either. Mike did jump in with kind rational things, while I said "I AM NOT ALLOWED TO GO TO THERAPY BECAUSE OF YOU!"

I also don't know what that means. 

Eventually, they did finish emptying and loading the dishwasher. And they did shout an apology to their grandmother, who may or may not have heard them (she needs a hearing aide but really should not get one because of the shouting on the other side of the wall). They also made up and are now best friends, until I ask them to bring down their laundry. 

I think everyone is very tired and has forgotten how to manage this time of year. There is school and ipads to charge and homework and daily hygiene requirements (like bathing, but armpit shaving will soon become seasonally optional; however they cannot seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel!). There are sports to practice and play. There are several days in a row with classmates you like and classmates who drive you crazy and classmates you don't like. There is mealing planning and big grocery shops and lunches to pack. And everyone has to wear pants and underwear, everyday. 

It's a lot to go from summer feral to fall functional. 

And friends, we only had a partial week! What things will happen in a FULL WEEK? 

Don't tell me. I'd like to be unpleasantly surprised. 


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