Tuesday, September 6, 2022

Back to School Escape Room (Day 249, Year 2)


Today in Wegmans, a lovely, lovely friend said my name and I did not recognize it at first. I also could not converse in a meaningful way and definitely said bizarre things that did nothing to encourage human connection or camaraderie. Sorry, Michelle, but I had to get up at 6 am after months of getting up at 8 am and when I woke up it was suddenly Fall with gloomy skies and actual rain (which I haven't seen in months and months) and I don't know my name or even what day or season it is.  

I am struggling friends. 

However, it was glorious to be able to work today and not warn people on a call with me that there could be sudden screaming in the background (and no, it is not because I live with a poltergeist, I simply have three children who fight to the death multiple times a day and then are reborn, angrier and louder). 

Even with the quiet; I am still struggling to return to normalcy. I feel like things haven't been this normal in nearly three years. My children were unmasked. They went to school for the normally allotted time. I did not even fill out a screener form! Tomorrow they will eat lunch and I think they do not have to sit back to back and diagonally 6 feet apart. 

I am not even sure how to handle all the pre-2020 era policies! 

There are some "new for 2022" confusion points that remind me of Escape Room riddles:

1. Mystery Start and Stop Times. 

I have no idea when school starts or begins. I've been told several times, but then there are strange emails that contradict the previously reported start times. And then there are special circumstances, like today a half-day ended at 11:56 but other half days will conclude at 12:26 (or something, DO NOT USE THIS BLOG TO UPDATE YOUR CALENDAR!!). Also, your children can arrive at school early, like for fun. (This is not fun.) I cannot wait to see what time the children return home! It will be a surprise! 

2. Magic Required to Change Classes. 

My middle schooler has 2 minutes between classes and my high schooler has 3 minutes. Apparently, it is a school of magic and they will teach them how to snap their fingers and appear in their next class without having to physically walk several hundred feet through a swarm of other children. 

This is why are schools are rated so highly and houses sell so quickly! Magic lessons!

3. Bus Time Word Problems.

This year, the elementary schooler begins school 10 or 15 minutes later (no idea, exactly), but gets picked up by the bus at the same exact time. Today, he said no one was at the school when they arrived and it appeared the school was locked (magic lessons do not start until Middle school!).  I don't think the school was actually locked; but who knows, I can only investigate so much. 

If my Middle Schooler takes the early morning music bus, it takes 27 minutes longer to get to school versus if she takes the bus to arrive at school for the normal starting time. No one knows why or what happens in those lost 27 minutes. Chloe is hoping it is a Dunkin' Donuts run. 

4. Shoulder to Mid-thigh and We don't have to avert the eyes!

Guess what? There is a dress code at the Middle School, which absolutely is NOT NEW! In fact, I think it has been relaxed a little bit to allow for slightly shorter shorts. It used to be "Shoulder to Finger tip length and you won't look like a skank!" (I am totally making up these catchy dress code slogans, by the way.). 

Chloe is irate and has said the gospel:  If you are distracted by my shoulders, why is this my problem?

However, ever the rule follower, Chloe is spending the evening raising her hands and checking to see if her "trunk" is exposed. Apparently "trunks" are very distracting. 

5. Empty Elementary School Back Packs. 

I think MAYBE I finally got my wish and most of the "first-day" paperwork will be sent electronically (or my son threw in a ditch.) because his school bag was empty upon return today! Do you think this is a trick? Will the paperwork be delivered by FedEx in a set of 3 boxes? 

Only time will tell, dear Friends! 





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