We celebrated with drinks on Friday with our wonderful friends and neighbors; followed by Hershey for the weekend, just the 5 of us, riding all the rides, floating on the lazy river, eating all the things and making memories we will share (and argue about, endlessly).
I desperately want to lie about my age; it is in my blood to deny time. My Grammy lied about her age until the bitter end. When I found out how old she actually was (97!) when she died, I was disappointed we never fully celebrated all those milestones and also disappointed that I did not push her more to make it to 100.
I also suspect she forgot her actual age. So, I am going to try to stay on the straight and narrow, at least while my memory is intact, and be honest. (At least for now. If I turn 42 next year, say nothing, except Happy 42nd!)
When I turned 40, I felt old. Five years later, I feel here. I know I’ve always been here, but somehow, now I feel so rooted in this life. I feel part of everything in a way I did not five years ago. I know more. I’ve figured so much of it all out. And it’s a strange feeling—I think one of my new favorite writers sums it up best:
“Strange to be almost 50, no? I feel like I just understood how to be young.”
“Yes! It’s like the last day in a foreign country. You finally figure out where to get coffee, and drinks, and a good steak. And then you have to leave. And you won’t ever be back.”
-From Less by Andrew Sean Greer
I know this next year might only feel a little different than the last; but still, time marches on. You think you have forever and you simply, don’t.
I can’t help but think of my brother on days like this. He never got to see 40 and he will certainly never get to 45. The lesson from this isn’t to worry about how short time is; but instead to keep living until the wheels fall off and beyond. Trying to make the most of everyday; remembering that no days are ever ruined by imperfection and feeling the blessing of every single moment I get to live and breathe.
Thank you for all the wonderful birthday messages; but mostly thank you for all the moments and days and hours you are each in my life. Today is just one day, but the rest is a lifetime.
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