Between middle age and death (Day 182, Year 2)

This evening, I was tempted to reserve a Thomas Kincade Snowman with a snow globe belly that lights up, illuminating a winter wonderland that includes a tiny train that chugs along its tracks. I saw the advertisement in Good Housekeeping Magazine, right after a very informative article about bone health. 

Friends, I think my roller coaster has completed the slow, sometimes boring, but always anticipatory, climb to the top and now the ride becomes both fun and terrifying. I think this is the beginning of whatever is between middle age and death.

 I think I am old. 

For the record, the article on bone health really gave me a lot to think about and I was pleased to know that my routine morning yogurt (which I alternate with cold oatmeal, for heart health!) is definitely one of the first steps towards bone health. I am a bit nervous about my posture, as a result of the article, and then when I thought about it more I became a bit nervous about my friend Rachel's posture, because we are both lifelong slouchers and I want to make sure she will not succumb to osteoporosis. 

I am going to take a photo of the article and text it to her immediately! (This is another sign of being between middle age and death!). 

Anyway, the Snowman thing and the bone health are not the only signs. I've also noted:

1. I talk about birds daily, sometimes up to 4 times a day. I've talked about birds for several years, however the frequency is increasing at the same rate urination increases in a man with a prostate problem. Tonight, I was so tickled over tiny little birds in our yard. Chloe immediately went, scared them away and then left. 

2. I get very angry at people who are not patriotic. Isn't it wonderful you can hang your flag upside down without fear of being beheaded? Isn't it great that you can kneel during the national anthem without having your entire family shot?   My Grammy used to get very angry about flag burners and I'd laugh. Do you know who is laughing now? YOUNG PEOPLE. If you need me, I am cleaning off civil war veterans graves while singing God Bless America. 

3. I routinely yell at strangers children. Today, there was a child spitting on the pool deck and I yelled at him. I told him he needed to think of other people and to stop it with his "spittle." "Spittle" is a word for a matron, which is me, an angry matron. 

4. I don't wait in lines. I won't wait in lines anymore except in extreme circumstances. I won't wait for anything. It is annoying and I am too old for this BECAUSE I HAVE LIMITED TIME LEFT AND CANNOT WASTE IT IN LINE. 

5. I've begun telling random children anecdotes from my childhood. Earlier in the week, I told some children about my adventures catching lightning bugs. It was like a 7 minute story. Now, children run with their hands over their ears when they see me. But, they do not run on the pool deck because they know I will yell at them for breaking a rule! 

6. I text my friend who is married to a pharmacist questions about prescriptions. First of all, I am so lucky to have a pharmacist to question. I can also next Mike's cousin, who is a pharmacist, for her opinion. And I have in groups where I ask prescription questions. This takes up at least an hour of my day and you know what: I ENJOY PRESCRIPTION TALK. 

7. I have a pill case and compression socks. I have a lovely pill case (from Nordstrom!) for all my daily pills and supplements. Then, I have compression socks for airplane travel to stop swelling and improve my circulation. I also have to remember to get antacid, fiber and of course, some anti-inflammatory for joint pain. 

7. I receive AARP early opt-in invites in the mail. But don't worry, I scribble out my address (I don't want the cons artists to steal my identity from the recycling!) and then I rip up the invite (for more security). I am not OLD yet, but soon, the coaster is picking up speed, apparently.