Dear Diary. (Day 175, Year 2)

I am all over the place tonight. Since Yoke is sometimes my personal diary, I decided to just dump out my thoughts. 

Dear Diary, 

This week feels like its been 7. My kids have transitioned from the busy school year to the busy summer. I've negotiated at least 3 sibling arguments a day and an equal amount of emotional problems each day per individual child. I also work, which I find myself reminding everyone, because they seem to forget that the flip flops on their feet did not come from the flip flop fairy. 

I am tired. But, I am so happy to have my kids home for summer break. It's not that they were not home in the school year; but during the school year it always feels like they partially belong to someone else and that we are beholden to someone else's schedule. The summer allows us to break those chains. It gives me time to parent them in a bigger way than is possible in the school year. 

I don't know if I am doing any of it right; but I am trying to support them in fixing all their complications; because, the world they will enter is complicated. 

I am exhausted by the complications inside my own home and outside of it. I am tired of hearing people on both sides of the American table complain about how broken our country is. They have different reasons for their complaints; but in the end they say the same thing. 

I personally, do not think our country is broken. I do think we are bent and mangled and confused and a bit of a disaster. But, just the fact that Americans can shout about how much our country sucks is a reminder of how much freedom we have to complain and then act. 

I am not going to say anymore, because, like my husband says, it is just all a lot. But, I will say, I am not inspired by the endless people posting about their "vacation homes," in abortion friendly states where they will let any woman come and stay for her "vacation." I find these posts to be ridiculous and disingenuous. The women most impacted by the law are not the women who can afford to travel to their friends house for an abortion. 

They are the women who can barely afford to live where they do. 

But this is how everything works, isn't it? The world is unfair and inequitable and those with access and privilege often have tunnel vision and offer shallow solutions (like teddy bears for cancer kids instead of money for research). 

Anyway, enough on that. The world is exhausting and broken and in need of constant, endless fixing. It's so much for all of us. 

It is a bit like the leaky pipe game--we only have so many wretches before the whole thing because a disastrous flood. But, we also have the opportunity to pick up our cards and reshuffle them.

I am going to try to reshuffle my personal cards a bit; take care of my messes first and then see what I can possibly do for the world.