Black Hole Day. (Day 181, Year 2)

Apparently someone on the French-Swiss border is acclerating particles and making a black hole that opens a vortex to somewhere else. 

Clearly this is not an accurate, scientific explanation of CERN, which stands for something you can Google. But, I feel this information is of equal importance and unimportance to share. It is important because we should all be aware that a vortex might open and also because I am, indeed, going to France very soon and there is no clear guidance on how big the black hole could be. (I imagine very large). It is unimportant because I sound like a mad woman.

Anyway and either way, if the vortex thing happens, you heard it from me, first. If nothing happens, well, then whatever. 

There is a point to all of this and that is to say that today was like one big black hole vortex. I woke up stepped into a black hole of all the things that make up a day and felt mostly disoriented. There was swim team and parenting and driving and writing and meeting and preparing for meeting and emails and blogs and dinner and dishes and walking and a skunk and Ted Lasso and now more writing. All these things happened, but it felt like a chaotic void of disconnection. 

I hate days like this. They are not a whirlwind and they are not unproductive, but they are not conscious. It's like I never really woke up and instead slept walk through it all in a very maniac way. It feels like a wasted day; which is silly because I did so much. But, I was never really attached to what I was doing. 

This is why my therapist, who I ghosted by choice and now with our new health insurance kicking in, am institutionally forbidden from seeing, wanted to focus on how I start my day. 

Friends, I am awful at starting days. I am such a night owl; but being that way is not really in alignment with morning acitvities. It's hard for me to find the time to actually start my day off right--with a hot shower and moments to myself and a shot of espresso and some cold oats. Not with a tnak top covered in yesterday's toothpaste and a watered down coffee and a handful of doritos, because I cannot sleep wake up and pull myself mentally together, even though I am out of bed and seemingly awake. 

It's a black hole, friends.

But, I am going to try to get back to good beginnings. Schedule my meetings later; and my showers sooner. I won't go to bed before midnight; it's just not my thing, but I'll try to go to bed before 1 a.m., begrudingly. 

Here's to days outside of the vortex--no more black hole days, just whatever the opposite of a black hole is day. (Let me know if you Google this).