Monday, April 4, 2022

Becoming Agnes (Day 94, Year 2)

Whenever my husband travels to the Midwest or is around people from the Midwest, he reverts to his childhood Chicago accent. He pronounces everything incorrectly by English Language standards and he seems completely unaware he is doing it until I point out it is ROOOOOOOOOF not a RUFFFF that covers our home. 

He'll deny this is true, but it is, I promise. 

I am no better. While I never speak Midwestern, I am often affected by things--similar to Will Smith alluding to channeling "King Richard" when he smacked Chris Rock across the face last week (yes! I am still thinking about this!). When I read or watch or visit or are otherwise exposed to certain influences, I take on those influences. In the late 20th century, I read Bridget Jones Diary and to this day, I endlessly write things like "v.v.v.v. bad" to mean very bad. My best friend Rachel and I often report on each other's "Bridget Jones" days--days when we find ourselves innocently dumped into improbable, ridiculous situations like being the keynote speaker at the Blueberry Council Awards or somehow driving underneath the fence of a large manor home property during an ice storm in our Honda. 

(I don't drive a Honda, so you can figure out who did that. . )

It is v. v.v. Bridget Jones for this to happen!

When I binge watched Weeds, I became deeply suspicious of all black SUVs and once even ducked while parked, lest my Mexican cartel baby daddy have me shot. I also still wander around with an ice latte and a straw, making slurping noises and squinting in irritation with people. When we are watching the Walking Dead, I am truly at the ready at all times to stab anyone in the head who tries to eat me. I often analyze what looks like a good head stabbing weapon when I enter the room (you can always use the leg of a chair in a pinch!) 

Currently, I am in the midst of watching The Gilded Age and have fallen in love with the very snobby Aunt Agnes. She is truly my spirit animal--expressing all the worst snobby parts of me that I know are v. v. v. v. bad, but are sometimes so irresistible! I love the twists of snobbery and stubs and witty nose flicks. I know this does not make me a v. v. v. v. nice person; but, alas, I grow up in Central Bucks--snobbery was a survival skill there!

Today, I've had several nose flick incidents and several burns, including some reckless use of the word "Quaint" and trilling audibly and piercing my lips together and using phrases like "One would. . " This has not happened in every interaction; but the times it has I am like a runaway train of Gilded Age snobbery and I LOVE IT. 

I am sure the people I am speaking to would like to stab me in the head, but that's their problem! 

Once we complete The Gilded Age, I'd like to move onto Inventing Anna (channeling a con artist will not be a stretch for me) and then maybe some sort of action/crime drama to give me tips on how to defend myself after I've offended everyone with my snobbery and con artistry! Or maybe a legal drama! 


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