Saturday, March 5, 2022

Not to Scale (Day 64, Year 2)

Well, I survived 20 hours of Girl Scout camping! It was a lovely, albeit exhausting 20 hours. We were, as I predicted late, which added to the adventure of it as we drove through a very, very, very dark camp on roads that were not roads to places that were not places using a map that WAS NOT TO SCALE.

Who creates a map that isn't to scale?

Anyway, I left Chloe behind with her troop and I made it home and then immediately napped, only to wake up and head to the last show of Beauty and the Beast. Lily was in the ensemble. She got to sing, act, wear a jolly hat, scream on stage and be a fork. I am beyond proud of her. Lily made a decision at the start of the musical practice to specifically be in the ensemble because of her other commitments. While her life has still been exhausting, I am really impressed that she thought it through. Tomorrow she'll wake up and row in an indoor regatta. She's nervous. And she worries that she is slow. And she might be; but I wish she could see just how successful, inspiring and completely amazing that she is. 

Lily is so brave--not because she does hard things that she might fail at--but because she lives so much every single day. She truly has inspired her sister and brother to do the same. I love watching them both find their way. Chloe loves Girl Scouting so much and loves camping and being outside. Nicholas loves soccer and lacrosse and just started piano lessons and truly loves to talk to everyone.

They are really exhausting children--and it's a blessing. 

I know tonight that I should immediately go to bed, in preparation for an early Sunday wake-up for rowing/communion class/soccer/musical practice/helping Chloe pull her life together after two days in the woods. The logical thing to do is to sleep. I am so tired, a bit cranky and tired. I think I wrote tired twice. 

I won't sleep; at least not right away, because I need some time to decompress while awake. This is something I struggle with a lot: the balance between sleep and time awake relaxing but not sleeping. I have a bit of FOMO over awake time; so as a result my sleep suffers a bit.  I'll always choose awake over asleep; busy over not-busy; over-scheduled over no schedule. 

And you know what, I think it is okay. It might not be what is traditionally thought of as balance. For me, this all works, even if it means my life, like that map of Girl Scout camp, is not to scale. 


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