After my really hard day a couple weeks ago, I decided to rip off the bandaid and get myself a regular therapist that was aware they were providing me with services (not advice about my "friend"). I had my first tele-health appointment today. It was really wonderful.
The only difficult moment was when she asked me if I was homicidal. I did not understand this was a serious question, which then led to some confusion after I said, with a laugh, "Not today. But yesterday, I had a hit list."
Her response: "Who is on this list?"
Me: "You know, all the losers."
Her: "Patricia, are you homicidal? I need to know."
Me: "OH! This is serious. Like a mental health rage check?"
Her: "I thought that was clear, since it is therapy."
Me: "Well, I didn't know! Now I do! Nope!! I am not planning any homicides!"
That was 9 hours ago and I haven't been taken in for questioning, so I think I cleared that all up!
Anyway, it was really great. I was able to participate in my favorite activity (talking) involving my favorite topic (myself) and using my favorite words (I, me). There were a few times when the therapist had to explain HIPPA and wanted to tell me about her therapy style. I grew a little impatient, BUT we did quickly get back to ME!
I even got homework (my request) to focus on my morning routine. For now, I am not supposed to change it, but to observe it. The goal will be to find a way to start my day with time for myself, setting the tone for a day that is not just a good day; but the kind of day I want. My therapist (so fun to say "my therapist") said that life is about choices.
And I totally agree. That is why I choose each morning to hide from the teenagers, wear my pajamas to school drop off under my long coat (next winter I want an ankle length coat) and sleep as late as possible.
If you are wondering why I wanted homework, it is because I've always been a super nerd. It might be my best quality!
After my appointment, I had a strange urge to make amends with people (not sure why. It was not AA!). So I told my friend Lori about the time I almost ran her over with my car in the Target parking lot. She did not notice (she was on her phone). She did not seem mad, you know because, she lived and had no idea her life was in danger in the first place.
So much progress in one day, friends!
It was also great to have my appointment via telehealth. I was a little nervous; I opted for no video and just voice. I wasn't sure it would be authentic and I worried that I would get distracted and begin practicing for upcoming daily Wordles (told you, super nerd here). I only got distracted once, when our lovely cleaning ladies were leaving and discovered something stuck under their car. They were using their brooms and mops to dislodge the object (an empty milk jug) and laughing the entire time, which made me laugh and then I was able to explain to the therapist that I actually live inside a sitcom.
She said, "You don't actually live in a sitcom. This is your real life. You understand this, right?"
I said, "Maybe. I don't know. Maybe this is all a glitch in the Matrix"
Then, she suggested we meet once a week (you know because she enjoys me so much!).