I dread writing notes in cards. I never know what to say. My husband, the engineer, is a really great note writer. I usually just sign my name with a generic "We are so proud!" I wrote a little bit more tonight; but then after I sealed the envelope, I thought of so much more I wanted to tell her.
On the surface, Lily was a very reluctant discipline throughout this process. It would often make me laugh (and scream) when she'd complain and say, "GOD DOES NOT CARE IF I MY DRESS IS TOO SHORT FOR CHURCH." (Yeah, I am sure He does not give dress length much thought, but your mother does. . .).
It worried me a little. Lily has been through so much--so much darkness and hell--what if those bad things turned her away from the light and good that is God? I wouldn't blame her if it did; I work hard to keep the devil behind me and to place the blame for the darkness on where it belongs--which is not on God; but on the enemy. I am an adult--and I've witnessed so many good, miraculous things. What if it was different for Lily?
I was foolish to worry. Lily came home from Confirmation class full of arguments and thoughts about whatever they discussed in church. Lily would be all fired up--questioning and thinking and trying to express how vast and complicated her relationship with God was.
She was hardly reluctant. Lily has been all in on this path since the beginning. My favorite Jesus stories are the ones where He is pushing back--flipping over tables in the Temple and questioning authority. It is such a beautiful thing to see the Spirit working in my daughter in that way.
Lily has such an open and honest relationship with God--a confidence in His love for her. As much as believing in God is about faith, it is also about thinking and feeling and finding the spot where you are comfortable enough to take the risk to not be perfect--to ask and challenge and explore and know how much you are unconditionally and completely loved.
Faith is personal and while there are so many lessons to be learned from Sunday school and sermons, in the end, the way we live and breathe faith is between us and God.
Lily taught me that you don't have to find the perfect words to express your faith, because God knows your heart. I forget that--me, the lover of all the words.
Whatever I wrote in that card is enough; because my beautiful, incredible, tough as nails daughter knows my heart, too.
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