Friday, January 14, 2022

Built for This (Day 14, Year 2)

I have a long running joke with my friend Heather about our Zombie Apocalypse Dream Team. We both love the Walking Dead and have also seen some things in our real lives that give us a sense of humor is not necessarily everyone's cup of tea. Heather, of course, is my VIP, first-round, keep-your-hands-off-her-she-is-mine, selection for my apocalypse dream team. She thinks well on her feet, is very honest, fully expects the end of the world, can drive a truck, has very very good hair and isn't afraid to fight a retired veteran for her Instacart groceries.*

When it comes to surviving in the toughest of times, one cannot afford to have anyone incompetent on their team, including themselves. 

Today, there were several things that left me feeling very overwhelmed and incompetent. The year has been leading up to this; kicking off with the Happy New Year Rona infection and all the disruptions, discomfort and disconnection associated with that whole pandemic scene. There is work and housework and life and parenting and wifing and friending and just being a person. 

It is all just too much sometimes. In those moments when I am falling apart, like literally dropping items on the floor and ill-prepared for whatever meeting or deadline I have, I really, truly have no freaking clue what to do. I usually just fake it--fake my confidence and get through it. 

In those moments, something shifts in which I realize that while I think I am faking it, I am actually doing the thing I thought I was incapable of doing--coping with a teenage meltdown, asking hard, awkward questions at work, writing a difficult, complicated piece, folding some of the mountain of laundry or pushing through out of control fears about my family's health. 

These things are not huge victories, but they are the things that remind that I've been through so many small and big things. I lived for more than 40 years. I've done some things well and other things I've simply done, but I got through it! 

The thing is friends, even when we think are faking it, we aren't. We were built for all this--all of it. We were built with talents and skills and spirit. Our friends were, too. We don't get through anything alone. Part of being built for hard things is knowing who to call on in the case of the apocalypse or just a very bad day. 

This coming week, whenever I think I just cannot do one more thing, I am going to remember that I was built for this. And that the people I love were, too. 




*True story. 


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