The Eve Edition (Day 360)

One of my favorite Christmas Eve's was our first Christmas in New Jersey. Mike and I were engaged, living in an apartment in Voorhees. We were both so excited, that we could not sleep and drank a bottle of wine in bed. 

We were excited about the gifts we got for each other. I honestly don't remember what I gave Mike; but he gifted me with tickets for Wicked--for Christmas night in New York. It was all so magical. 

Eves and anticipation really are the best days--the days when things are filled with promise and mystery and the knowledge that something really good is ahead. 

I remember the hours before Lily was born. I was scared--it was an emergency--but I was also bursting with anticipation for my daughter. I felt the same before Chloe and Nicholas, too. And really, everyday, I am bursting with anticipation of who these three children will grow up to be. It is so wonderful to know that their paths are still mysteries--and their futures will hold so many wonderful things. 

I think all of us are on the Eve of something everyday. And even if the next day brings challenges, there is still so much incredible beauty in it all. We get to be alive, you know? We get to breathe and live and experience this world, even if this world is hard and broken. 

And I've lived so much hard and broken--I get it.  But, we all have a choice to dread the future or anticipate it. And I will always choose anticipation. 

I miss my Dad and my brother so much on these holidays. But, as my father told me, all the time, as if he knew that I'd need to know:

"life is for the living, Trish. You cannot let the dead drag you into the grave, too." 

I try to channel my missing into remembering and sharing--bringing the love my Dad had of Christmas and traditions and staying up until midnight on Christmas Eve to my own family. Sharing my brother's love of food and cooking and music, too. And knowing---that I have to keep living and anticipating all the good ahead, because there is always good ahead. 

Merry Christmas, friends. 

My prayer for you is that no matter what the crazy the world brings is that you can anticipate all the good, ahead. You've all been so much of my good this year--and I know there is more to look forward to.