Tuesday, November 23, 2021

Things I learned on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving (Day 328)

Did you know that the Tuesday before Thanksgiving is the International Day to Learn Something New Every Day? 

Well, if you said yes, then I just learned you are a big fat LIAR because there is no such day. 

However, according to my dearly departed grandmother (RIP Nana!) you should learn something new every day in order to stay young and vibrant! 

I think my Nana's spirit is more active this time of year when cooking fancy family meals becomes critical. She was a fantastic hostess and marvelous cook. I have her recipe boxes and every Thanksgiving, I make my children work as a team to make her stuffing recipe. It is nothing fancy; but it is homemade and very ancestral. I think it makes her spirit happy!

Anyway, I got distracted from my primary point, which was: today I learned several very important lessons that I'd like to share with you!

1. How to Style Curtain Bangs!
If you follow me on IG and Facebook, I hope you took the time to watch my v. v. v. v. important and informative instructional video about curtain bangs! My friend and master stylist Sam taught me how to style my new curtain bangs today. I've watched the video at least 17 times and I've retained nothing. But, luckily Sam likes me and is only a phone call away! 

2. How to post to TikTok!
I posted my first TikTok today (follow me TrishTheDish_OG)! My 15 year old had to walk me through it; and by walk me through it I mean she yelled at me, gave up on me and took several big breaths. Anyway, my video posted! However TikTok has been reviewing it for at least 5 hours and I fear I am going to be blacklisted from the platform. 

3. How to get a fresh turkey in New Jersey. 
Look, I've lived in Jersey for 18 years. I've gotten fresh turkeys before; but they were just meh. The way to get the freshest turkey, is to network with the Farmer's Market vendors, send an email, Venmo some cash and then meet them under the PATCO bridge to get your bird so fresh, it seems a little criminal. This is how it is done here--you've got to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy who kills turkeys. 

4. Nagging your children daily can work!
I talk a good game about blessing and releasing my children. And then I talk a disturbing game about all my endless worries about them (I am still concerned about Nick's dorm room art choices!). The truth is, I am addicted to giving my children motivational speeches everyday (this is also called nagging) about how they could try harder or study better or "give a tiny shit and not break their mother's heart." 

I want you to know NAGGING WORKS! The 15 year old aced a biology test (was previously failing), the 12 year old is rocking it at math and the 8 year old got some certificate for playing a math video game. This is all there result of my consult harping, nagging and firm, angry reminders that you need to study and do your work and not my break my heart. 

Did I mention no one should break my heart?!

5. You have to pay for your purchases at Target. 
Picture it, it is 4:30pm and I have just 30 minutes to buy things I don't need at Target and get to the bridge to secure my Jersey turkey. My phone rings and my childhood bestie from Georgia is on the line and we are talking about very important things! I am racing at self check out. I ring everything up and then, I simply leave.

I leave hastily, nearly knocking into a baby carriage and not paying for my purchases. Until, of course, someone yells a ghastly and ageist "MA'AM" and accuses me of not paying (which is exactly what I did). Her exact quote "Excuse me ma'am. Your purchases are still not the screen. You haven't paid."

So,, yeah, I paid and shamed myself and now (hopefully) will be discussed in several online neighborhood groups! (I hope they mention my curtain bangs!). 

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