Friday, November 19, 2021

Lunar Reset (Day 324)

This morning, after a very intense fight over the iPad charging station, I felt a certain calm settle over the home. This was mostly because the two children who were fighting over the charging station were no longer here and were their teacher's problems. 

I do appreciate a good teacher who takes on my children and does not ever throw shade my way over their "quirks."

But, I also think that somehow, the moon and the eclipse cleaned out some of the emotional and mental clutter I've been carrying around. I know several of you will think I am crazy; but I do 100-percent believe in the old adage "there is something in the air," and therefore, I believe sometimes, the air is somehow, inexplicably reset and moods and demeanors shift. 

And what better time for a reset, than a lunar eclipse that only happens every 500 years?

For the past couple weeks, I've been disjointed and running about like a woman without a plan or strategy or to-do list. The reality is: I have several plans and strategies (strategies are my speciality!) and my to-do list is really a to-do notebook with 500 pages. But in my disheveled state, I was unable to lean into my strategies or my lists and instead, I was in a constant state of panic. My flight or fight instinct was strong; yet at the same time I could find clean socks or pants to save my life. I was surviving; not thriving. 

I don't know exactly how I got into this state. I do know I was eating poorly and then in turn felt completely gross. I also had intense work stress--and a shift in the colleagues that I will work with in 2022. I felt uncertain about so many things. There was the preliminary IEP process--which always makes me fear we will end up at odds with teachers I love. There has been so much--even the slow march of the holiday season, which fills me with intense joy as well as deep sorrow. Life is complicated and it has felt more complicated lately. 

But, today, after the customary Adkins sibling fight to kick off the morning, I felt different. I still don't know who I want to be when I grow up and I am still facing all those challenges and I still have so many worries. But, all those things are no longer noisy and they aren't taking away from my progress forward. I was back to successfully switching between client projects and still producing. I was able to enjoy my lunch--with my son--instead of pretending to interact with him while really editing something. 

And while I worked until 7pm on a Friday, I don't feel frazzled. I feel really blessed to have so much work I love and to work with so many different, wonderful, enriching people who each teach me something every single day and also make me laugh in ways everyone should laugh as often as possible.

I have no idea if my reset is a result of the moon or just a result of an internal dam break or a coincidence, but whatever it  is, the way I feel today is the way I want to feel everyday. This feeling is one I will carry with me and lean into when the stress and disconnection builds. 

My lunar reset is marvelous and hopefully happens more than every 500 years. 

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