I am hopeful that once the earth, sun and moon are very closely aligned, the madness of the world will somehow un-mad itself, at least briefly.
Of course, there is the very logical possibility that I'll sleep through my alarm, the lunar eclipse will happen and I'll only remember it happened when I see someone's post on Instagram about it; and be deeply disappointed in myself, thus continuing my own personal madness of being inordinately disappointed in missing the LPLE-500.
But, I am going to try my best to get up, irrationally wake up my entire household, go outside, be disappointed by the cloud cover and see nothing, but pretend it was something for generations to come, so that my grandchildren can hear all about the LPLE-500 of 2021, in the midst of a global pandemic.
I am already crafting the story I will tell over the future equivalent of Facetime to my grandchildren.
I am not the only one who believes there is magic and madness in the lunar eclipse. Cultures and ancient people did all sorts of crazy things to honor and celebrate the lunar eclipse. If you are looking for ideas how to commemorate the LPLE-500, I've got you covered with some ideas borrowed from the ancients:
1. Go out and create a commotion.
In some Chinese traditions, people would ring bells to keep a dragon from biting the moon during the lunar eclipse. And not to left out from commotion making, the Inca would throw would throw sticks at the moon (I assuming they practiced, because the moon is like super far way) and then shouted at the moon, to scare away the jaguar that they thought was eating the moon. Once the jaguar was finished (and still hungry, apparently magical sky jaguars have very big appetites), it would come down and eat all the animals on the earth, like it was at a Vegas buffet.
And I get it; as noted, the moon is very faraway, so who knows what is exactly happening up there. It is always wise to make a commotion when you think you or your moon might be eaten.
So, go out there at 3:45am and start your shouting!
2. Begin Intermittent Fasting (or other diet!)
An Indian superstition is that you should not eat or drink during the lunar eclipse because food goes bad. The ancient Mesopotamians had some very complicated belief involving seven demons which resulted in them poisoning someone who was made to pretend to be king (and then like I mentioned LITERALLY POISONED).
Also late night snacking is linked to acid reflux and weight gain.
So, don't eat! Just begin the diet practice of intermittent fasting! It's the perfect time to jump start a diet!
3. Practice for the End of Days
In the Bible, the lunar eclipse is a sign of the apocalypse, so embrace what could be the end of days and get out and practice! Maybe you believe that the zombies will come (so bring a sharp stick) or that a deadly virus will come (bring your vaccination card and a mask and hand sanitizer) or that there will be earthquakes and mudslides and fires (I've got no solution for this one!). Whatever you believe, wear your running shoes and be ready for whatever comes!
4. If you are pregnant, don't wake up!
Apparently, there are several cultures that believe the dark moon will curse an unborn child. So if you know you are pregnant, suspect you are pregnant or are merely very tired, don't wake up! No one wants to deal with you and your cursed child. JUST SLEEP!
5. Punch Your Sibling
A group in Suriname believed that the Sun and Moon are siblings; so when the lunar eclipse happens, it means one of them got fed up with the other one's crap and knocked their sibling out. In honor of this ancient myth, set your alarm and punch your sibling!
6. Drop Your Baggage
Look, we've got problems. (I have SO MANY PROBLEMS!). Astrologists believe that the moon controls emotions. Take this blotting out the moon as an opportunity to drop all your crazy and open yourself up to new things. And don't worry, you will replace all your emotional baggage by Monday; so travel light! The world is a hot mess, so you can pick up a new problem quickly and cheaply!