The Day After Declarations (Day 287)

Well friends, I woke up this morning wondering why the heck I declared I'd write a book and then even more horrified that I shared my idea. I meant what I declared; but when you say things out loud, you sort of have to follow through on them (or go into hiding). 

So, here I am, the day after my declarations, wondering how the heck I am going to make this happen. 

I wrote more today, I am up to 1689 words. I wrote things I never wrote down before. I thought about an outline. I thought about places I should should some shorter pieces to try out my voice. I did not make a plan at all, but I thought about a plan.  I think I'll make a plan sometime soon.

For now, my plan is to just write a little day. It might shorten my writing here. I might run out of steam at the end of day. But I won't stop writing here or there, in my file that I saved in 17 places and it is titled "IEP, the book."

I did talk about my book idea a lot today. It was top of mind not just because of my public book declaration yesterday, but because today Lily had the PSAT. We worked to get her a Hail Mary extended time accommodation. She came home satisfied and with some insights for the next go when she is a Junior. I was nervous for her--not because I don't believe in her, but because I know how complicated the implementation of even the simplest accommodations can be. 

And please don't ever tell me "see! why were you nervous? Lily is great!" because that is just a bunch of nonsense words. Lily is great. I don't doubt it. But, I have to be nervous and vigilant and so does she--otherwise, she'll be left drowning when she could be swimming, if only someone tossed her a kick board. 

My husband teases me when I talk about my own SAT score. I had a perfect Math score. I had a very mediocre Reading/Writing score. In fact, when I was a young kid, I was the slow reader. I've gotten pretty fast--because I read a lot. I've also always been the terrible speller. I loved reading and stories and writing, but no one ever encouraged me. In fact, they discouraged me in writing and encouraged me in math because it took me little effort to do it well. 

They got it all wrong. The hard things are things we need to encourage each other in. It has always been the words that I wanted to own, the words that I wanted to learn how to tease out into a story. And it is my own story that I'd love to tell. 

 Writing is not easy for me; but it is the sweat and toil that makes it so good for me. 

Thank you for all your lovely shows of support and belief in me; it is not something I've always been aware of, but it is something I always need.