Hotober is OVER and now we are in DECTOBER. If you have no idea what I am talking about, I cannot help you because it is late at night and I don't even feel like writing the 400ish words that I committed myself to writing here everyday.
So, just accept that it is now very cold and I today I wore a TURTLENECK after wearing a tank top yesterday. It is like I flew from Florida to NJ, only I did not get to go to Florida, instead I got to go to:
- 2 charity sporting events at the Turf in town
- 1 charity horseback riding event out of town
- 1 argotourism farm in Pennsylvania
- 1 field hockey game played at first light, like an old timey duel (no one died, don't worry)
- 1 soccer game with the most supportive, loveliest soccer parents around (go gray hawks!)
- 1 grocery store with one-third of South Jersey, all looking for Uncrustables and Lunchables ( to no avail, because I saw them restocking that stuff and took it all. Sorry. Not Sorry. You try living with my children. It changes a person!)
I did opt out of the town music festival, because I just could not stand being near anymore people from town or out of town or any town.
I am like this frequently. I need to hide and recharge in my home. Although, today when we got home, there were approximately 17 different neighborhood children descending upon the home. (Hence my trip to Wegmans on a Sunday, which is strictly a bad idea, given all the hoards of people.)
I think I am an introverted extrovert or an extroverted introvert. Is an introverted extrovert, the quietest loud mouth at the party? The whisper shouter? If so, I am not that person, because I hate whispering-both traditional whispering and whisper shouting and mumbling, which is the whisper's cousin.
Is an extroverted introvert, the loudest person hiding in a dark hallway? If so, I am TOTALLY THIS PERSON! I do like to pop out and startle people.
In meetings, I do like to have my camera off and be muted and then at minute 52 of a 60 minute call, I like to turn it all on and ask very serious, demanding questions.
Anyway, who knows what these things mean (probably one of you, right?). I could google it, but alas, I sort of don't care for labels or clubs or affiliation. (This always ends badly for me.).
Instead, I will just say that people can be fucking exhausting and energy sucking.
Sometimes, I am simply out of words or out of hellos or out of conjuring up names for all the people. BUT, at the same time, I love people and our town and our friends and seriously, I love every last parent on the soccer sidelines. And I do get lonely. And I love to fill my house (I guess, now, yard, pandemic and all) with friends and neighbors and family and strangers who wander in.
It's just that when it is time to go, it is time to go. I need the independence of recharging with just my family. And sometimes, I struggle even to be with them. However, they understand my need to have them close, but silent, and seem to know exactly how to love me, even when I am unfriendly.