Anyway, without further ramble, here are the 5 middle aged hobbies you must try:
1. Offensive Cross Stitch
I picked up cross stitch when we were on lockdown as a way to connect with my ancestral roots. When I began, I exclusively cross-stitched in our "piano room" by candlelight, thinking about the English women in my line who once did the same thing while waiting out the plague. Of course, I think they cross-stitched Bible verses.
But times have changed! I like to cross-stitch things like "Damn, it feels good to be a gangster," and "Please don't do coke in the bathroom" (This is a work in progress) and my Christmas favorite "The Shitters Full."
You can snag offensive or more Biblically based cross stitch kits on Etsy! For me, it is a great way to stop scrolling on my phone and instead prick myself with a needle while watching Netflix.
2. On-a-Whim Gardening
Look, I have an enormous front yard garden and another two plots on the side of my house. I dreamed of both of these gardens in the pandemic and ordered several tons of dirt and rocks and made my husband and children make my dream a reality.
This year, I also ordered enough seeds for all of NJ (on-a-whim).
Some weeks, I am like super into my garden. Other weeks, I look at it and need a nap. (Gardening is very hard work. And there are crickets!). But, less often, I feel inspired and tend to my plots, chatting with the neighbors, offering bullshit garden advice (I have no idea why these shit grows!) and picking vegetables my children will complain "aren't good because they came from a garden."
3. Fake Botanical Arranging
One of the most amazing things of the modern age, is the variety of fake botanicals on the market! We a fake palm tree, which our maids water every two weeks! I love arranging fake plants and produce and pumpkins. Fake succulent arrangement is particularly pleasing. AND I am an expert on fake botanicals! You just order them from Amazon or Crate and Barrel and then open the package! It's magical.
4. School Communication and Letter Writing
I don't want to brag, but this week I've written at least 17 emails to teachers, administrations and school staff. These 17 emails all addresses emergent situations (like the middle school bus legit turning seconds before arriving at the bus stop and leaving my kid on the street corner). My emails have BEEN VERY WELL received! In fact, on average, I only have to follow up with a phone call 16/17 times! Let me know if you want my very effective advice!
5. Screen Shot Photography
I've become a pro at Screen shot photography! When I see a lunatic on social media, I immediately press 4 buttons simultaneously and screen shot that madness. Then I send it to a variety of snarky people who appreciate me taking photos of things they can see for themselves.