I am a firm believer that busyness is a blessing, unless, of course, you are busy with the wrong things and then busyness is a curse.
The last several weeks, I've found myself busy with the right things--writing and strategic planning for work, vacations with my family and this week: the busy of back-to-school. As overwhelming and exhausting has this all is, I love being able to help my children and do things for them and with them.
When I was a kid, my parents certainly ensured I had what I needed, even if it was a result of my pestering and badgering and bossing. I know they filled out forms and went to back-to-school nights; but they were often overwhelmed with the work of my brother. I was not ignored and I am not complaining. It's just that I was already predisposed to be independent and growing up with a brother who a myriad of complex needs, proved to be the perfect training ground for someone like me.
I like to be the conductor and then also, play first chair for every instrument. And motherhood is the perfect place for this.
Motherhood in September requires a variety of complex skill sets--the Type A mother to organize all the paperwork, the free spirit to say "FUCK IT ALL" when the paperwork goes missing, the MacGyver to problem solve and recover the paperwork and the warm, fuzzy mother when it comes time to love on the kids who are feeling just as overwhelmed as I am.
And look, I have no freaking clue what I doing. Like with marriage, parenthood is all about improvising. I don't know the exact amount of intervention required with my high school daughter's teachers and coaches. I have no idea have to help my daughter navigate the drama of middle school and the cafeteria, even though I lived through it, too. I haven't a clue how to teach my son responsibility. If I am being entirely honest, I don't know even know if I am loving them exacting right, but the thing is, I am loving them fiercely and I won't stop trying and experimenting until I get it nearly right.
Like, my middle daughter told me today, "Mommy, I decided this year, I am not going to be scared to make a mistake because I am at school and school is all about learning. I am going to make a thousand mistakes. And then one day, I'll get it perfectly right and it will feel so good."
This is Motherhood in September--a month of busyness, mistakes and knowing that just once, we might get it perfectly right and it will feel so good.
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