LET ME KNOW IF YOU READ THIS AND IF YOU:
A. Believe you are alive.
B. Have a pulse.
C. Do not have a pulse, but only just discovered that fact.
D. Need me to repeat myself (I am really good at it, apparently).
Lately, I've had suspicions that I might be dead or invisible. There have been several key bits of evidence that point to this: I send emails (the same one, 7 times) that no one responds to; I ask my children to do things and they don't do it (the same thing, 7 times); and my tan is fading (soon I'll be a grayish, white). Then, today in Costco, I said "No Thank You, " in a big voice through my mask to the woman trying to get me to try Pirate Booty in a muffin cup and she did not respond. Instead, she kept asking me repeatedly and then announced that I could have just said "no thank you."
You see? It is disconcerting.
Of course, there are several bits of evidence that point to me being alive, mostly my pulse (which I just checked on my Apple watch) and the fact that several friends replied to my text messages (although maybe they are dead or invisible with me).
Lately, all I do is repeat myself. My children--when faced with problems, refuse to listen to the solutions I provide. They say, "I'm hungry;" I offer food--any food. Then they scream about their hunger. They say, "I don't have clean clothes!" I say, "check the laundry!" They say "I don't have clean clothes." And we go back and forth and it is not a conversation but like two lunatics screaming through sound proof glass.
I think I am going mad.
Tonight, I tried to get Alexa to launch the Bedtime Story Skill. She refused. She lit up as if listening but then stopped. Nicholas trotted in and said something incomprehensible and mumbly. And suddenly, Alexa was singing lullabies and telling soothing stories.
I mean what in the world! EVEN ALEXA CANNOT HEAR ME.
The dog is not much better. When the dog barks, I have to say his name 1,000 times before he decides to give up and trot over. And that Costco lady; seriously what is her deal?
I honestly think I might be losing my mind.