So, I am back to being a mask shamer.
There was a very brief period when I did not care either way and now, friends, I am back!
I know you all probably do not care about my stance on masks. I am not a medical professional. But I am fascinated by my own roller coaster of mask shaming. And I think when my grandchildren ask me
for money about the pandemic, I should remember my own personal history and feeling about masks!
Before I get into my timeline, I'd like to tell everyone that I don't believe masks are political. This goes for both sides of the aisle. It is utterly bizarre to me that everything must be a political statement. It is like we are rude, huffing 15 year olds trying to show up our parents.
I also don't feel controlled by masking protocols in anyway! Look, masks are annoying. They make me feel like I am bering suffocated sometimes and they somehow affect my vision. I will never tell you I like a mask or that it is comfortable.
BUT I also don't like taxes, going to the doctor, hot leather car seats, sand in my crotch and mayonnaise. But I still pay taxes, go to the doctor (under protest), drive my car in the summer, spend days at the beach and eat potato salad.
Even though I am a mask shamer (it's so fun to feel superior!), I still firmly believe that we all have the fundamental right to make our decisions. Of course with that right, comes the responsibility of accepting the consequences of our actions. So if you don't mask, I will judge you. Sometimes I judge you if you do mask! It varies! Also, if you don't mask or vax and get COVID-19, well that's the consequence right? Or maybe the consequence is you cannot go into the hot sauce store in New Hope. Or maybe the consequence is I don't want to take a selfie with you because you look ridiculous in your mask on the beach in the sun on a 95 degree day and I know you had the vaccine and bootleg booster shots.
Anyway, I digress into more judgements.
And I am not trying to make light of masking and the pandemic. But, I think if we all take a deep breath and put down our wine glasses, we will all be in agreement that the world is bonkers.
Note to future grandchildren: I have no idea you are masked right now or living on Mars, but know that your grandmother will always lovingly judge you and accept you at the same time.
And before I get into masking, today I saw a very spirited conversation in a Facebook group that involved shower shaming! Apparently, there are people who strip down all their clothes and shower after being in the world during this global pandemic. I say this with some love, THAT IS INSANE. NO ONE EVER SAID YOU GET COVID FROM CLOTHES! JUST STAY HOME IF IT IS TOO MUCH YOU CAN EVERYTHING DELIVERED NOW!
Anyway, here's my own reconstruction of the masking timeline:
I was mask shamed by my own child. It was February and my crazy friend told me all about the impending pandemic. I did not believe her. Then a week later, I heard both the WHO and CDC (I know everyone hates both agencies, whatever) say it is a not a matter of "if" but a matter of "when." I immediately went to the scariest Walmart and made a new elderly friend. Together, we bought all the masks, gloves, toilet paper, Tylenol, elderberry syrup, clorox wipes and hand sanitizer while my child yelled "I WILL NOT BE SEEN WITH YOU AND YOUR ELDERLY FRIEND. YOU ARE CRAZY."
Ed, I doubt you are reading this, but we were right!!!
March 16, 2020
It's now official pandemic and schools are shut down. Several people told me their intense grocery shopping stories and how they wore gloves and painters masks. I shamed them because then they said we did not to wear masks!
March 17, 2020 (or sometime there after)
So now we must mask! I begin binge ordering fashionable masks, because the Walmart masks are ugly.
April 2, 2020
My mother sneaks out of the home to meet a "friend" at the Camden CVS to buy bootleg homemade masks in spring prints. We make her quarantine in her apartment for 10 days. Nicholas suggests putting an X over her door like they do when there is a plague. We consider it. But get distracted ordering a ham from Omaha Steaks, like we are trying to get front row concert tickets. Mother does not get to eat ham because of repeatedly violations!
April 17, 2020
After becoming exhausted from wiping down my own groceries and tired of making my own bread, we order take out!. I snap a selfie in my car waiting for my curbside delivery and I am REVERSE MASK SHAMED. I am still not over this. This person (and you KNOW WHO YOU ARE!) immediately posted on their timeline that people who wear masks in cars are stupid.
I am still not over being reverse mask shamed for wearing a mask. But I am also sick of the memes that say "I am not wearing my mask for me, it is for you." If that was the case, then you would wear your mask properly OVER YOUR MOUTH AND NOSE AND YOU WOULD NOT reuse a mask that clearly has a food stain on it.
I feel like at this point I stopped masking outside and just lived my life. This may have been a scientific decision. I already forget. I AM STILL MAD ABOUT BEING REVERSE MASK SHAMED
The kids mask at school. I begin going to stores because my husband is tired of the endless meat and organic snack deliveries. Plus, I love stores! I get very hot in Nordstrom and fear they think I have COVID. (but it was unseasonably warm and I was wearing a MASK!) By now I am used to wearing my mask to get my hair colored and to do everything. I shame my best friend in Georgia who does wear a mask to pick up a pizza. I decide she will be the one who will give me COVID through the phone (NOTE: This is not possible. I know!)
I AM STILL MAD ABOUT BEING REVERSE MASK SHAMED.
December 10, 2020
We host a massive backyard socially distanced, masked party for Nicholas. Santa comes. Santa is not initially masked. The children shame him. Santa masks!
December 26, 2020
We go to Ohio for our post Christmas visit. We stay with Mike's parents and his brother's family for 8 days. We return home and must quarantine. While we are gone, there is a massive high school party (UNMASKED!) and then my daughter misses 3 weeks of in-person learning. THE SHAME!!
I decide we will be masked forever and I hate everyone and everything and I WANT THE DAMN VACCINE.
I get the vaccine! But I still have to mask and I feel irate.
WE CAN UNMASK! I begin to judge people who still mask.
I fly on an airplane. You still have to wear a mask on the plane. I get the first class upgrade for part of the trip. I drink too much wine in order to avoid wearing a mask. A man in an adjacent seat tries to discuss the mask conspiracy. I drink more wine and shame him in secret.
WE ALL MUST MASK THE WORLD IS ENDING. I am annoyed and refuse, except when forced. I got vaccinated! I have little empathy for the unvaccinated, unmasked people.
I begin masking in stores again. I don't know why. But, whatever, I don't want to be on the wrong side of this and end up giving COVID to an old person and be called a murderer. I am totally wearing the MASK FOR ME (but there are no memes for this.)
August 24, 2021
I see unmasked people at Target and I shame them with my brand-new Athleta mask! I mean I don't know if they saw my mask, but it matched my outfit. SHAME ON YOU FOR NOT MATCHING AND MASKING!
August 25, 2021
I am still mad at the person who reverse mask shamed me in 2020. However, this does not make me stop mask shaming others. I imagine some of you are mad at me now and will write about me in your secret blogs. GO FOR IT. I'll just shame you right back and we can shame each other forever like they did in the Old Testament.
ANYWAY, WEAR A FREAKING MASK. It is not mind control. It is not a conspiracy (except by Athleta! They jacked up the price). It works, because you know your SURGEON WEARS A MASK! It works, because science. It is not 100% effective; but it is better than nothing. And wear a mask because it is just the rule and it is okay to follow rules even when you don't exactly agree. We are not anarchists. Well, I am not. Maybe you are. BUT STILL WEAR A MASK JUST PUT THE ANARCHY SYMBOL ON IT!