Friday, July 2, 2021

All Over the Place (Day 184)

For the past two days, I wrote about serious things. Then earlier in the week, I wrote about funny things. The weekend included some boring things about my garden. And last week I was in an entirely different place from where I normally am. And the week before that I was dealing with the immediate aftermath of Lily's shunt failure and before that, well I don't even remember. 

When I look back through Yoke's, I am so all over the place. When I put my communications professional hat on, this very heterogenous, chaotic editorial content feels like a hot mess. I mean what is my brand anyway? What is my point of view? Where is the theme? What journey am I taking my readers on? 

It actually drives me insane. But, this year of writing everyday was always about writing whatever tumbled out on that day. In many ways, my brand is "everything that was in the handbag after a busy a week." There is lose change and hair ties and random receipts and probably 45 lipsticks and a used mask that smells bad and a pair of socks and someone's fidget toys and several pens and pencils with broken points and half eaten trail mix and a warm can of unopened seltzer and seashells or rocks or sea glass I found and maybe some scribbled notes on paper. 

It's a hot mess; but everything in it tells a little story of my life that week. Sure, it is messy when you dump it all out and seeing it all like that does feel a bit personal--like someone is looking into my very personal affairs. But, then again, I am not a private person, so really, it does not bother me. 

And the truth is, no matter how put together one's life is, life is always all over the place. Somedays you are bored and other days you are energized. Sometimes it feels like you can't catch a break and other times, you have caught so many breaks you don't even recognize them anymore. Life is here and it is there and it is everywhere or nowhere. 

Lately, I've felt more all over the place than usual--so much drama and excitement and movement and changes. Writing everyday--even if my topics and mood is ever changing--has given me a moment every day to take a deep breath and let it all out on the page. 

I cannot believe it has been 184 days. As I go past  this halfway mark in the year, I also cannot imagine stopping after 365 days. Thanks for reading along. 

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