I started this daily blogging and at the same time I've started another document in which I write the things I don't write here. I felt like I had to disclose this, for some reason. I am not sure why, exactly. But maybe it is because in my heart, Yoke is where I am my most honest and my most true and not sharing that I have another spot for the other words feels a bit like cheating.
I am not sure who I am cheating on, exactly. Maybe on Yoke? It is a really ridiculous idea that I could cheat on this blog. . but I am a bit ridiculous. I am also very impatient and really want to share the other things I am working on. It is the writer's ego--I want you to read what I write and I don't want to wait!
It's been a long time since I've published anything of my own, outside of this blog. Sure, I write everyday and get paid to do so. And I love the writing I do for my job. But there is something different about writing pieces that are your voice--not the voice of the organization you are writing for. It is not that my "job" voice isn't genuine, it is just sometimes the words are filtered or made to fit within a certain style.
And I've found those voices for my employers--I know the voice of writing for Alex's Lemonade and Philly Homebrew and even, to a lesser extent (because I don't do that much writing there!) for Happy Family. I know the voice of writing editorial pieces for publications. Yoke has a voice that is very much me, but it isn't all of me. When it comes to my own pure voice--the voice of my stories--I am still finding that. And that is where the other words come in.
And there are so many other words--and so many other stories I want to share. Like today--today was a bit of a strangely emotional day. I did not expect it, but strangeness has a way of finding all of us. In the end of all the emotions and all the interruptions, I found myself connecting so deeply with my oldest daughter. She's been around for most of my written words--she inspires so many of them--and always gives me the courage to share those words.
That is what all those other words are--they are more than just secret documents and sloppy notes in my notebook. Those other words come in conversations with new friends and in text message exchanges with old ones. They come in silent moments of connections with my daughter--who is still, even as a teenager, possesses this relentless, quiet grace that says more than I could ever write. They come in the noisy, endless conversations with my son--who is always using his voice to make sense of the world. The other words come from my middle daughter who is always quick to observe and even quicker to comfort. The other words come from unexpected and strange places.
There are so many other words--it is hard to pick which ones to share and which ones to hold close and which ones to just leave alone. But, that is why this year long daily writing in Yoke experiment is just so good for me--it's a spot where I get to try them all out, until I find the words that are just right to write. (get it?)