The Little Voice (Day 68)

I AM SO TIRED! 

I mean not really. It is 8pm and I'll stay up until at least midnight. 

However, I am tired of writing. I have hit a writing wall. It is not that I don't want to write, it is simply, well, 

that I don't want to write.

In fact, I started at least 17 different Yoke posts, one statement of purpose for graduate school, an email editorial calendar for someone, 4 blogs for Alex's Lemonade, a promotional email for someone else and several email replies to people. I am struggling to even finish this sentence and get to any discernible point. 

The wall is clearly made of bricks or like some impenetrable space metal. 

It is Day 68 of writing in Yoke and for the first time, I've heard that little voice whisper. . just don't do it, no one will miss it, everyone will understand. . 

AND IT IS SO TEMPTING because I am tired (of writing and of doing and of everything). 

Also does anyone else's little voice sound like the aesthetician at the Four Seasons telling you that you have a hair on your chin, after 10 minutes of soothing spa talk?

My little voice is very jarring and judgmental and concerned about facial hair. 

Anyway, I've already filled a third of the page (and also recently waxed my chin), so go away little voice! 

Since I use this blog to psychoanalyze myself and judge others, I am now going to take this time to dissect what conjures up the little voice and why on day 68, I am at the point of giving up. 

Firstly (is this a legit word? I resisting the urge to Google its origins. I feel like the Duke in Bridgerton says "Firstly" ), I think I need to take an internal organization day and align all my do-to lists. I am not behind in anything (that I know of) but for the past two weeks, I've been operating in survival mode with my to-dos. I think I might have to leave the house (!!!) to do this and like sit at Saxby's (my FAVORITE pre-pandemic writing spot) and do it. BUT if I go to Saxby's then I'll maybe see someone I know (which is not what I need, I am a reclusive writer who needs to be alone) and I'll definitely have to pop into Inkwood Books and then of course, I'll have to go to Maxwell James. Anyway, what was my point?

Oh right, firstly, I need to calm my scattered brain and really dig into whatever it is I am supposed to be doing. My scattered brain is opening the door for the little voice to come in and encourage me to give up. 

Secondly, there are several micro-dramas (similar to micro influencers but more dramatics and without a dedicated Instagram account) that I would LOVE to write about and you would LOVE to read about. But, alas, I do love and care for people and I am not here to gossip or complain about everything, only some things. So I can't say everything that is driving me bonkers and also making me laugh. These intriguing micro-dramas are totally and completely ushering in the little voice. 

I think I need my chakras cleared and aligned! Good thing my friend Heather sent me a chakra candle from Amazon! 

Thirdly, the seasons are changing. I know most of you LOVE Spring and the change to warmer weather. I mean I prefer the warmth to the cold any day. However, despite my changeable, distracted nature, I am struggle with seasonal change because, well, I NEVER KNOW WHAT TO WEAR. 

It is really stupid and elementary. I know the wisdom is layers, layers, layers, but that requires thinking, thinking, thinking and planning, planning, planning and shopping, shopping, shopping. 

And the change is seasons is a reminder that time is marching on and I still have so much to do before I die! I mean I am not actively dying or anything. It's just the general sense of time accelerating through the seasons, not being dressed probably and a dash of mid life crisis that is making me want to give up completely. And the little voice feeds on unfulfilled goals. . . .telling me I could just give up and not worry about it. . .

And fourthly, the entire 90210 series is on HULU. The little voice LOVES 90210. So, really why would I ever waste my precious time writing, when I could be hanging out with Brenda and Dylan! 

Which is where I am headed, now that this Yoke is done and dusted!