4:30 AM (Day 89)

I am now someone who gets up at 4:30 am on a regular basis. 

And in case you are wondering, I am not sure I am enjoying this new lifestyle. 

Also, if you are wondering:

• We did not adopt a newborn. Nor did I magically have a newborn. 
• I am not a serial killer (they seem like they'd be awake at 4am)
• I do not work the nightshift. 
• I am also not a vampire, although I feel like one now. 

Lily has crew practice at 5 am; so up we must get. 

Do you know who's up at 4:30 am besides newborns, nightshift people, vampires and serial killers? The moon. The moon is up at 4:30 am. 

Needless to say, two days in and I am a bit of a mess. I am more of a Holly Golightly type versus an early bird gets the worm type. I mean seriously, let the other birds enjoy the worm, I'll enjoy my pillow. 

But, this is a blessing! A gift! I have my daughter and her sport and her training at the time way before it is the crack of dawn! I have no idea exactly what they are doing in the dark (wouldn't it be easier in the light?), but I do know that the children in the bow and stern of the boat have to wear headlights clipped to their bodies so they can row on the river in the dark like some sort of invading army in the olden days like George Washington crossing the Delaware! 

Again, THE SUN DOES COME OUT  LATER ON AT A REGULAR TIME. Also, Lily is not in the front or the back, so she is headlight free. 

It is very strange to drop your daughter off in the dark to exercise; it feels like I am dropping her off at military school. But she does come home happy and energetic and ready to pretend to pay attention at school. So, I guess that's success! 

Anyway, since there are 24 hours in the day, I now am awake for 20 of them. Which I guess is good. I do always have lots to do. 

I, however, am struggling to keep my emotions even and I've turned into an overtired toddler (for at least 8 of the 20 hours I am now awake). Here's how the past two days have gone:

Day 1 (which was yesterday, seems like last week and also a month ago.): 

I woke up and drove Lily and worked until I had to pick her up at 6:45am. When I left to get her, the sun still was not out. 

Then I continued working and alternating caffeine types: coffee, green tea, coffee, black tea, more coffee and water, lots and lots of water, in order to keep myself alert. 

Around 1pm, I became very angry. In fact, I was angry at being angry and then I was angry at the air temperature in the home and at the socks I was wearing. My anger continued to build and I walked around trying to find people to listen to me complain (no one was interested), so then I had a silent, yet very robust toddler tantrum and passed out in my bed for my nap, also like a toddler. I slept for 1.5 hours, woke up confused, covered in drool but ready to tackle dinner, homework and writing about African violets for some reason.  

Day 2 (which is today, but seems like yesterday, which seems like last week and also a month ago):

I woke up and Lily was not awake, so I had to wake her up. She moaned and growled at me. But, then was ready in a split second. I think she is sleeping in her work out clothes. I was unable to change out of my pajamas because it was just too much. I drove her to crew. Then I wrote for 2 hours. Mike got up and picked her up. I ate a bagel for my first breakfast; then some cookies I found on the table for second breakfast, 5 oranges and 17 cups of coffee. I abandoned drinking water because it was too much work to fill my water glass and I needed to conserve my energy. 

Then I found out Pearl Jam postponed their European tour to 2022. I became irrationally angry. I began ranting about how I was a prisoner. I resolved to never vacation out of spite. I am not sure who I am spiteful towards. A dark sense of hopelessness descended; but I did not have time for a nap! I had calls scheduled during regular business hours (i.e. not from 4am-8am). I rallied. 

Then I decided to go for a run/walk/prance around the lake. I briefly nodded off in the parking lot; but then I rallied and I pranced/ran/walked 2.7 miles. While I was "enjoying" my sojourn around Newton Lake, I again became irrationally angry at everyone I saw, especially the woman pushing a stroller with a bunny in it. She was not staying to one side. She was swerving a lot. I imagine she was drunk, because why else would a grown woman be pushing a bunny stroller. Maybe it was a real baby. But if it was, that baby had long ears and looked like a bunny. 

I can't even talk about the bunny stroller without becoming very, very, very upset. 

Then there were fighting ducks! I mean fighting ducks! I'd expect this behavior from geese, but ducks are like the chill aquatic birds. Then, there were two couples blocking my route around the "giant pond puddle" that will never be fixed. They were both having very tense conversations (like the ducks) and I wanted to shout: "JUST END IT! BREAK UP! THE WORLD IS HOPELESS!" but I instead I turned up Nirvana and tried to escape everyone's problems. 

Later, I also think I overheard two unsavory men discussing how to hide a body in the lake. But, that could be the fatigue plus 17 cups of coffee talking. They are just as likely to have been discussing turtles. 

Anyway, I made it home and made tacos and participated in a Twitter party about BCorp month for work. And I am writing here while rapidly blinking my eyes and drinking a latte. 

Tomorrow is Day 3 and I have to find a way to not get so angry tomorrow that I need the help of those unsavory men to clean up whatever mess my rage brings. Perhaps I'll try a morning nap or I'll eat 12 chocolate Easter bunnies. 

Ugh, I just thought of that woman with her bunny stroller! She's so annoying! Stay in your lane bunny stroller lady and pick up the pace!