Today, I sent a DM* to Cuties Citrus, the company that grows those tiny little oranges.
Now, if you are like my 14-year-old, you may not be listening or you might become instantly bored when I start producing words. And you may say, "what?" while pretending to listen and making a Tik Tok.
So, to repeat, Today, I sent a DM to Cuties Citrus and we had a very brief interlude!
If you are still like my 14-year-old, you will say aloud, while laughing so hard you begin coughing, but are surprisingly able to continue Tik Tok-ing, "WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT? DO I NEED TO TALK TO DADDY? GIVE ME YOUR PHONE."
I am not giving anyone my phone! Because Cuties might write back!!
Before answer your question as to why I was messaging someone about miniature easy peel oranges on Instagram today, I first want to blame a colleague who gave me the idea to reach out. She was probably joking. But, every knows that Cuties are not a joking matter and the only one telling jokes around here is ME!
You see, I've been scouring my radius** for Cuties (or its lesser, but passable cousin Halo Oranges) for approximately 4 days. I am obsessed with eating several Cuties a day--they are the perfect in-between every meal snack (and zero WW points!). A Cutie an hour keeps me even and out of the pretzel/chip bag.
I remember the first time I had a Cutie. I was in McGonigle Hall at Temple with my sophomore year roommate. Her father was there. At half time, I wanted to get up and get French Fries, but her dad suddenly reached up his sleeve like a magician and pulled out at least 1/2 a dozen Cuties.
I mean there was actually fruit up his sleeve! His arms did not even look lumpy! If anything, he looked liked he could use a little 10 minute Arms Toning with Sam Yo
Then her dad told me I had to eat one.
I wanted to say no, because I usually do not eat food that comes out of people's sleeves. But, he was terrifying, like my roommate (who used to stare at me until I lined up my shoes properly) and he pointed out there was a peel, so basically it was wrapped food and I could eat it without fear of consuming any dead skin/sweat/biological material.
I MEAN THE FRUIT WAS LITERALLY UP HIS SLEEVE.
I did gag a little when I put the first little section in my mouth.
BUT then, that was it for me. I've been on Team Cutie's for Life since 1997.***
Anyway, given the weather in Texas (which somehow has delayed my mother's COVID-19 vaccine from tomorrow to Saturday. Are the vaccines at the Alamo?), I became concerned that there is a problem with the supply chain and my Cuties might become the citrusy, peel-able toilet paper of 2021.
I know there are other citrus fruits. I picked up some navel oranges, but I have to slice those. I have a couple grapefruits for my 1970s inspired breakfast. And tonight, out of desperation, because THERE ARE NO CUTIES IN MY RADIUS OR NEARBY MY RADIUS DESPITE WHAT THE WHERE TO BUY LIST SAYS (deep breath), I picked up some generically marked "small citrus fruit."
But the "small citrus fruit" are not the same as a Cutie.
First of all, a Cutie is truly a one-handed peel, no finger nails required. The "small citrus fruits," have a thick skin and I broke my nail peeling one. And then the insides are like mediocre at best--it is like when you want a can of Coke and someone hands you the store brand Cola. Yeah, it fizzes, but it is simply not the same.
Anyway, I DMed Cuties (when I was supposed to be doing something very important!) and they have yet to give me any intel on the security of Cutie supple chain. But, they were very sweet, just like an actual Cutie!
So, here, I wait. Refreshing my emails every few minutes. Thinking if I could I DM Cuties again. Wondering if I should reach out on Twitter? Will they ever write back? Is Cutie's going out of business? Does anyone know where the Cuties farm is?
Anyway, the lesson here is that you should never tell me to reach out to people to ask a questions directly. And the second lesson, is while I don't want to go all Chicken Little on everyone, the sky might be failing and there might be a Cutie shortage.
So hurry friends, I need Cuties!!!
*That stands for "direct message." While most of you know that, according to my Google Analytics, my audience skews on the more golden year side of things.
**I call my area the radius and I don't like to leave unless it is to go to New York City, the shore, Europe, South Florida or really anywhere with hotel with room service or even just one of those convenience stores in the lobby.
***I have not eaten Cuties from anyone else's sleeve, ever.