It is Super Bowl Sunday! I have no idea who is playing. I've asked Mike twice and then Nicholas four times and I think they've lost their patience with me.
BUT, I do know what I am eating.
OVEN FRIED PICKLES!*
Okay, so fried pickles--whether in oil or oven or air fryer or turkey fryer--are not this new revolutionary thing. But the fried pickles I made tonight were off the hook.
The most important part of the recipe, which I snagged from Delish, is the pickles--of course!
You cannot use a cheap pickle. Or a too thin pickle. Or a too thick pickle. Or soft pickle. Or a sweet pickle. Or a pickle with too much garlic. You need a perfect width pickle with the perfect crunch level with the perfect level of dill.
Where do you get such a perfect pickle?
In my basement, of course! I used my signature Double Dill Crunch Pickle Chips--made from cucumbers I grew, dill I grew, dill seed I harvested and then pickled and canned!
I am totally wearing my braggy pants right now and I can hear each of you saying "SHE IS SO NARCISSISTIC WITH HER PANDEMIC PICKLE BRAGGING." But, as my (sometimes) icon Taylor Swift (maybe?) says***:
Haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate.
So, now, I present to you the LONG GAME RECIPE for the best fried pickles in the world. We are still technically in semi-pandemic-lockdown so you've got time!
1.Order your cucumber seeds now! I recommend a pickle variety. Everyone is totally into gardening so seed shipping takes about 1-36 months.
2. Begin drawing your complicated garden plan! Make a supply list and order NOW. Shipping time is similar to seeds, so best to get on it now!
3. Start your cucumber seeds inside around late March for Zone 6. If you are not in Zone 6, I have no idea what you do. Ask someone who has a green thumb.
4. In May, plant your seedlings in your complicated garden! Use organic mushroom soil!
5. Then, hopefully, your cucumbers will grow like mine did! We planted 6 cucumber plants and they yielded 70 lbs of cucumbers. I have no idea why or how. I think it was the mushroom soil. And the sun. And the water. And like some kind of garden magic.
6. Harvest your cucumbers and then pickle them!
7. I will not give you my Double Dill Crunch Recipe, because it is my recipe. And even if you think I gave you the recipe, I definitely left out an ingredient, because I am shady like that. You cannot trust me.
8. By now, it is Super Bowl LVI or LVIII or LVV or whatever**** but, you've got a basement full of double dill crunch pickles you grew and pickled!
10. Also, you could skip all the hardwork above and just make the recipe that Delish did a very, very good job of preparing*****. I cannot vouch for whether or not Delish left out a critical ingredient. I mean mine turned out great! And Delish does not seem shady.
PS Skip the ranch and serve with Chick-Fil-A sauce or honey mustard. TRUST ME! Oh and use your mother's very, very, very special Lenox dish reserved for shrimp cocktail at Christmas only for serving your pickles! They deserve it!
*As well as potato skins, guacamole, fried kielbasa, a peanut butter shaped football that you dip, drumsticks, wings and something I am forgetting**
**Because of the pickle excitement.
***She is only my icon for these hater type situations.
****Why don't we use like regular numbers? Why is everything so arduous?
***** You can also ask me for a jar of Double Dill Crunch Pickles, because I have about 70 jars.